of being a wife and mother...

And so, He is doing deep things in my life. He is shining a light into the darkness that is my soul and it is painful, yet oh, so good. I am uncomfortable, challenged, convicted, and spurred on toward my Jesus. They are things too big to articulate and so, I shall not try, but only smile and talk of things which words can be used for.


Today is an English and hot coffee sort of day. I love these beautiful, gray, cold, let me wrap up or snuggle down in a blanket kind of day. The sun has been trying to conquer the grayness that has taken a hold of the afternoon, yet it is decidedly not winning. As I sit here, three sweet kiddos are sleeping sweetly and one is being a complete gentleman, playing quietly alone. Often, when I'm with these precious, beautiful children, I truly glimpse what motherhood will be like. Oh, how beautiful, hard, joyful, exhausting, and utterly delightful it will be! There are times that I ache to rescue and bring home those that He will see fit to put in my life, yet I treasure this time of being alone, of allowing Him to work in my heart and life preparing me to be the kind of mother He would desire me to be. I am truly blessed, for each day is like a lesson in free, Godly parenting classes! Oh, that I would take it all in, truly learning and gleaning from the wisdom He willingly offers through those around me. He is gently yet firmly teaching me that my future as a wife and mother will be so much richer if I do not wish away this time of being single, of waiting on the best He has planned for my life.


I know there are many girls and women who read my blog, who are single (or perhaps married and wishing for children) and perhaps, struggling with the fact that they are. Oh, that you would know the utter beauty and love that your God is allowing such a time in your life! Do not think for a moment that just because the Lord has not brought that Godly man (or sweet kiddos) into your life yet, it doesn't mean you are not to use the time He has given you now to prepare for him/them. And what better way to love your future husband then by wrestling for him in prayer and pressing into your God more and more each day. Until we find complete and utter fulfillment in Jesus Christ and Him alone, we are not ready to move on from being single. For we will never be fulfilled by another human, but oh, the utter joy of trusting in Jesus with the complete confidence that He will never let us down or hurt us in any way. To love Him completely is to completely love whomever He has seen fit to one day bring into our lives.


There is a poem that a dear friend sent me, that utterly captures this time in my life and truly inspires me to treasure each precious moment of being single and waiting on the man that He has chosen. The man that is worth all of this precious time of preparing, who will love his God more than me and because of this know how to truly love me.

Wait

Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;

Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.

I plead and I wept for a clue to my fate…

And the Master so gently said, ‘Wait’.

“Wait?  You say wait?” my indignant reply,

“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!

Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heart?

By faith I have asked and I’m claiming Your Word.

My future and all to which I relate

Hangs in the balance, and You tell me to wait?

I’m needing a ‘yes’, a go-ahead sign

Or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign.

You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe

We need but to ask and we will receive.

And Lord, I’ve been asking, and this is my cry

I’m weary of asking, I need a reply.

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...

And he tenderly said, “I could give You a sign.

I could shake the heavens and darken the sun

I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you seek, and pleased you would be.

You’d have what you want, but you wouldn’t have Me.

You’d not know the depth of My love for the saint.

You’d not know the power that I give to the faint.

You’d not learn to see through the clouds of despair

You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there.

You’d not know the joy of resting in Me

When darkness and silence are all you can see.

You’d never experience the fullness of love

When the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.

You would know that I give, and I save for a start

But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of the comfort late into the night

The faith that I give when you walk without sight

The depth that’s beyond getting just what you ask,

From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee

What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.

Yes, your dearest dreams overnight might come true,

But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I’m doing in you.

So be silent, My child, and in time you will see

That the greatest of gifts is to truly know Me.

And though oft my answer seems terribly late

My most precious answer of all is still ‘wait’.”

If I would never know the depths of my God's love because of impatience, because of wanting what I want when I want it, then may I never have anything "I want" but, may I wait forever, continually falling more and more in love with my Jesus. Being a wife, being a mother, none of it is worth it if I rush head long into them without fully knowing He who holds my heart. 

Show me your ways, O Lord,

Teach me your paths.

Lead me in your truth and teach me

For you are the God of my salvation:

On you I wait all the day

Psalm 25.4-5