surrender and adventures.

Ah, night has finally crept in and this day is finished. Though it was a perfectly wonderful day, there isn't much that can compare to coming home to my lovely english desk (it begs to be sat at), a delicious cup of hot tea, a cozy hoody, a little room lit by soft warm lights, a blog I love to write on, and a God who I've longed to spend time with all day. The delightful thing about this evening, is that it's completely free to spend with Him.

I love looking forward and seeing hours of free time to dive ever deeper into He whom my soul loves....but, I find so often that I do not want this enough. Oh, that I would ache and long to be with Him more than anyone else in my life! I do not want this relationship with Him to be the kind that I can come and go in as I please. For the utter truth is, as one of my dearest friends has said, He is not a "place holder" until that place is filled by a Godly man. He is the place. Period. And I desire to not be found looking for a husband, but gazing into His face always. The beautiful thing I've discovered is, when you're gazing into His eyes, you do not become restless with being single, but long for more time with Him! It's wonderful!

Yet, all of this takes constant surrender...of everything! This is what I'm learning ever so slowly that I must do each and every day. And the more I surrender every area of my life to Him, the more I see how wretched I am! But, praise His beautiful name, He loves me too much to leave me the way I am! Thankfully:-) For the way I am is disgusting. However, do you ever feel as I do, that the surrender seems to go at a snails pace?? So often I seem to be off to a wonderful start....like a herd of turtles! This is one of those things that I've mentioned before when I cry out, "Why can't it happen today, Father?!" And then I read things like this:

"One does not surrender a life in an instant--that which is lifelong can only be surrendered in a lifetime...Maturity is the accomplishment of years, and I can only surrender to the will of God as I know what that will is. This may take years to know, hence the fullness of the Spirit is not instantaneous but progressive as I attain fullness of the Word which reveals the will."      -Jim Elliot

Oh....Jim Elliot said this. Hmmm...well....yes. Of course I know this....but, I still want it to happen now:-) And if it happened now, I would miss out on all that He has to teach me through this endless pursuit of surrender and all that He is! I know I've said this before, but I need to keep repeating it for myself, the waiting on the surrender, or whatever it may be that we're waiting on, is a gift! I never want to wish away a time of learning and waiting, for I know too well the benefits of times such as these. After all, its an endless frontier of going further and further with Him, right? So, let it take my whole life! Pursuing Him, learning to surrender all that I am to all that He is, giving Him the pen of my life and allowing Him to script it, all this is worthy of taking my entire life and all the years that He blesses me with! And can you imagine a more grand adventure?! Ah, there is never a dull moment when I'm living it with Him:-) Remember the adventure that Frodo and Sam went on...oh yeah, this definitely has that beat to pieces;-)

Have you found this to be true in your life yet? If not, I pray that you do! For He is longing more than anything else to take your hand, and with the most beautiful smile on His face and sparkle in His eyes, to lead you on adventures so incredible, you never even thought them possible! Yep, He's that kind of God.

this morning.

It's a beautiful morning and this is ringing like a sweet song through my heart:

Light is sown like seed for the righteous

And gladness for the upright in heart.

Be glad in the Lord, you righteous ones,

And give thanks to His holy name.

-Psalm 97:11,12

I have so many wonderful things to be glad about this morning, here are just a few: 

• the Word of God that cuts like a sword through the darkness.
• waking up before my alarm...yep, that's right! 
• nibbling dark chocolate whilst drinking freshly roasted and ground coffee....thank you Lauren!!!
• eating dark chocolate before 10 in the morning...is that allowed? hmmm, maybe not for a normal person, but I love eating chocolate in the morning...and drinking coffee at night...or in the morning...or any other time....:-D
• listening to the "becoming jane" soundtrack. it's beautiful and it's been floating in and out of my days since I bought it last week.
• designing an article for the magazine. So, excited about this one! i so have the best job in the world...no, you don't want to argue this point with me...I'll win;-)
• so I must now insert a tiny little something to someone: Nanu, I know you read my blog all the time and I just want you to know (and for those of you reading who are wondering which grandma I'm talking about, it's my grandma Irene) that I'm thinking about you this morning and I love you so much! Just thought you should know that I think you're the best grandma in the whole world, hands down;-) 
• most of all, i'm glad..joyful....don't you think joyful is a much nicer word? I always have....anyway, I'm joyful that I'm alive, living where I am, doing what I'm doing, and that I have this amazing man named Jesus in my life who's completely stolen my heart.

What are you joyful about this beautiful morning? 

P.S. Did you know that Jesus is completely taken with you too? 

He is and if you've somewhat forgotten, go check out Song of Solomon.

"Like a lily coming thorns, so is my darling...."

3 things.

I only have three things to say:

1. Delicious coffee at wonderful coffee shop.
2. Working with delightful girl at said coffee shop.
3. Eating scrumptious apple cake while drinking delicious coffee with delightful girl at wonderful coffee shop....perfect!

P.S. You should listen to this song by Warren Barfield:

-Love Is Not a Fight-

Love is not a place
To come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
Then commit to never leave

So lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
We'll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees

Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

To some, love is a word
That they can fall into
But when they're falling out
Keeping that word is hard to do

Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing from us
But demand we give our all

Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

I will fight for you
Would you fight for me?
It's worth fighting for

things about autumn.

Doesn't the thought of a God so wonderful, who loves us with such an incomprehensible love, make each day worth living? It does mine, anyway! :-) I was thinking of all the wonderful things that are coming in the next few months with the ushering in of Autumn! Yes, I know I keep talking about it, but you see my friend, I am dreadfully excited about this upcoming season!!! True story. So, here are a few things I'm excited about:

• Am I the only one that's noticed how how much better coffee tastes in the fall? I'm excited about cinnamon coffee this fall!
• Golden aspen leaves...I grew up going to the Blue Ridge Parkway every fall, which is hard to beat when it comes to amazing fall colors...however, Colorado's aspens are quite enchanting with their bright golden leaves in the fall. I don't mind them at all;-)
• Riding my apple red townie bike (aka "Lucy") while bundled up in warm peacoat, soft scarf, and cute hat with braided hair. Yep.
• Oh, I'm excited that I am no longer blonde! Ha! Officially brunette now:-) Gettin' back to my natural look...first time in five years. Feels good;-)
• Ok, I know I'm now officially skipping fall to winter with this one, but I just have to tell you how excited I am to go home for Christmas and be with one whole side of my family that I've never actually been with for Christmas...at least not all of them. Did I mention they're greek?! Oh yes, that's right, can you say "My Big Fat Greek Christmas" here I come!!!! I can't even express how much I love being around them and how much fun they are! *Sighs* Christmas feels a long way off....
• How about being excited for new boots? Well, I haven't gotten them yet...can't really afford them right now...but, I'm trusting that He'll provide them:-) Anyone remember the whole blue dress story?? Yeah, He's good like that when a want suddenly becomes a need...my other pair have a hole, but hey, they did last me for three years...
• Oh, oh, I know! Pumpkin, cinnamon, nutmeg, or any other spicy scent that Bath&Bodyworks invents for their plug-ins!! I'm using Apple Crumb right now and let me tell you, it's autumn in a wall plug! Seriously, you should think about trying this scent out.
• Ginger bread and molassas cookies.
• Thanksgiving!!!
• Being in Jamie's wedding the day after Thanksgiving!!!!!! YAY!
• Baking with the windows cracked and the crisp autumn air mixing with the scent of whatever happens to be baking....could someone out there please bottle this scent?! I would be indebted to you forever!
• Apples! Wish I was close to an orchard...
• Writing to you, whomever you are! I have a feeling this fall is going to produce some very fun blog posts:-) 

What are you excited about this Autumn?? Now, go enjoy some hot coffee (or tea) and anticipate

this delightful season that is almost upon us! Talk to you soon...

Delicious autumn!  My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns.  ~George Eliot

longing.

Back at "my" little coffee shop this morning, in my small corner of the world. Fall is floating about our mornings now, promising that it's well on its way, but not quite wanting to leave wherever it has to come from. I'm longing for autumn to come...funny thing, I'm kind of longing for winter too. I know, I know, when you live somewhere that boasts nine months of winter, it seems to be a stupid thing to wish for. Thing is though, I enjoyed last winter so much, I really am wanting it to come. I think it's because we have more overcast days in the winter....I know I'm strange, but I really do love these days. Take today, for example. It's a perfectly beautiful, sunny day in the 60's...who wouldn't love such a day? Me. Not that I don't throughly enjoy it, because I certainly do, I'd just prefer clouds soaked in gray and heavy with rain....or a great thunder storm. I think it's a quirk that I have...

So, instead I'll sit here not wishing for what I cannot have, but enjoying what He has given instead:-) Even non-rainy days. This is a lesson He's definitely been gently teaching me lately. To be content today, not wishing for tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or next year. Not that it's wrong to long for something to happen, but to not let the longing overtake what might be happening in the now. There are many things I long for and I pray I never lose that longing, for that would be a tragedy. I long for silly things that really don't matter in the long run, but I mostly long to be with Him. Each day that passes, it is made ever clearer that truly, this is not my home. And there is such a deep longing in me that nothing in this world can fill, it only strengthens the knowledge that this really is not where I was made or meant to be. With such knowledge, it strengthens my resolve to not walk down the path of what "I want" because if He made me to ultimately be with Him and He knows me far better than I know myself, it would stand to reason that He knows far better what I desire and need than I do.

Yes, there are many things in my life that I tend to greatly long for. There are many times that I tend to cry out to Him, "Why is it taking so long?! Why must it take this long?? Why can't it just happen now?!" Are you getting the picture of a three year old little girl, stamping her foot, and demanding her questions be answered? :-) So often that is the image I see when I realize this is exactly what I'm doing. What a patient God we serve, who gently smiles at our tantrums and then picks us up, hugs us tight and whispers, "Allow Me to write your story, allow Me to lead you where you need to walk, and allow Me to give you My best in My time, and watch as Heaven is revealed to you on earth." Ah, the waiting is hard, so very hard, and many times painful, but I have learned that delayed gratification yields the greatest reward. And oh, how much more I treasure that which I've had to wait upon.

 There is something so beautiful about loving where I am in this moment. Of looking around and saying, "Yes, there are things I long for and want. However, I am so happy and content in Him, that if nothing ever changes in this life, I will be perfectly happy. For it is not the coming of said events that fulfills me, but Him. And because I'm living life with Him in this moment, I am truly fulfilled beyond all I've ever imagined."

Sitting here at this little table. listening to beautiful music, designing things I only ever dreamed of, sipping hot coffee and enjoying the sunshine, I can think of nothing else I would rather be doing in this moment.

Are you content today?

of a coffee shop and tree climbing.

This is a very good day indeed. Why, you may ask? Well, I'll tell you why. I have found the most adorable coffee shop that I plan on spending every afternoon at for the next...well...at least week:-) It's tiny and in a town I didn't even know existed, but the coffee is wonderful, the environment is perfect to spend hours designing in, and over all, I can picture myself cozied up in this little place with snowflakes falling down all winter...Plus, there's the friendliest little tree that sits right outside the front door and with such a beautiful little tree beckoning one in, I really never stood a chance in not loving it anyway...well, that and the fact that it's a little red stone building with large black carriage lanterns hanging on each side of the brick red door. I'm enchanted really.

So, here I am, thinking of how I can think of nowhere else I'd rather be on this lovely English sort of afternoon. Do you know the kind of afternoon I'm talking about? The kind where the clouds hang heavy in the sky, not allowing even the tiniest ray of light to escape straight through, but filtering every last drop of sunshine until that which does fight it's way through is reduced to a soft gray glow. The kind of afternoon that holds a wonderful mist and would almost enchant you into thinking that you truly are in England...Yes, it's that sort of afternoon. Coffee tastes so much better on such an afternoon and I truly do come alive in this kind of weather. It makes one want to ramble about and discover all kinds of amazing things around each corner...oh, I was not meant to live in this country! Come, let's steal away, shall we? Let's steal away and ramble over moors and through tree laden forests, discovering Robin and his merry men or Peter and his Tink. Let's wade through shining streams and climb as many trees as we can. I love to climb a good tree whenever the occasion arises...personally, I think it's a wonderful way to spend a significant amount of time. When I was a little girl, I spent a good portion of each afternoon perched on the upmost branches of a stately magnolia tree. That tree became so many things to my little girl's imagination. At times it was a tower where I was locked away, waiting for Prince Charming to come and rescue me...though, I never actually imagined a "Prince" but just some brave hero who would brave the moat around said tower, which was filled with loads of alligators of course:-) Other days, that tall tree with its large waxy leaves became a haven for hundreds of sick and hurt "animals" that I would rescue and bring back to my castle or a large orphanage where hundreds (yes, I took care of them all by myself) of children found a home. Other days, it was just what it was, a large and tall tree who's high branches could evoke the most amazing day dreams. To this day, if I can find a tree that offers the sort of branches that beg to be climbed, they really need not beg, for I'm quite addicted to tree climbing...or birch swinging....

So was I once myself a swinger of birches.
And so I dream of going back to be.
It's when I'm weary of considerations,
And life is too much like a pathless wood
Where your face burns and tickles with the cobwebs
Broken across it, and one eye is weeping
From a twig's having lashed across it open.
I'd like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate willfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return. Earth's the right place for love:
I don't know where it's likely to go better.
I'd like to go by climbing a birch tree,
And climb black branches up a snow-white trunk
Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,
But dipped its top and set me down again.
That would be good both going and coming back.
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches. 

                                                  -Robert Frost

                                           

for beth.

I am blessed for many, many reasons. I have so many people in my life that have shaped me and molded me into who I am and whom I love dearly. However, there is one lady in particular who I'm thinking of this evening. You see, I came to the realization this past year that I definitely do not express to those around me just how much they really mean to me. I feel it so deeply and just assumed that of course they knew...but, how can they when I don't actually say it. Duh. So, I'd like to make sure that this wonderful woman knows exactly how I feel and that there is never any doubt...ever.


Dearest Beth,
     As I sit here this evening, you have really been on my heart and I realized that I truly have not told you just how much you mean to me. I've never told you how what you've done, what you've not done, and what you've been has truly shaped my life. In all the years I've known you, since you came into our family, you have never once gotten involved in the drama and ridiculousness of things that have happened. You've taught me that it really is ok to let the drama pass by and just smile. You have never questioned (at least, not out loud...and you'll never know just how much that's meant to me) the decisions that I've made, you've just quietly stood by and assured me that you supported me no matter what I chose to do. Through all the terrible things that come with a broken family, you came in and did not ebb and flow with the sea of emotions all around you, but were this amazing rock who was just still and solid through it all. At least, that's what I saw and I have not seen this very often in my life. I can't imagine how hard it's been for you, but I want you to know, now that I'm an adult (and because it's so much easier for me to write out what I feel) I truly, deeply, appreciate you more than you'll ever know and far more than I'll ever be able to capture with words. I absolutely love being around you, I love talking to you, mostly because you never demand anything of me. You never try to drag things out of me, or come up with reasons why I do what I do, or manipulate me into telling you things...You just let me be and because of my personality this makes me want to be around you all the more and actually share what's going on in my life. Thank you for that, for this also has been very rare. And, when I'm not around you, I really miss you...a lot. I really, really do. And, do you know how proud it makes me when you introduce me as your daughter? Maybe you've never thought about it, but it means SO much to me:-) I love the fact that I'm your daughter. Trust me when I say, if you had had children of your own, they could not love or admire you more than I do. So, thank you. Thank you for being you, for loving me and being my friend, and for being the most perfect example of a stepmom. Yeah, you rock the whole stepmom thing! I love you.

"An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels...Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also,and he praises her, saying:"Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all."    -Proverbs 31:10, 28, 29

-Me