Sunday, May 29, 2011

let me wait.

Let me wait. Let me wait on all things that He has purposed to give me. Let me wait on the beauty that I see in the morning. And what joys await in the morning. Let me cry, yearn, hurt, but above all else, let me wait. For in the waiting comes the beautiful lesson, the lesson I would never learn otherwise. Periods of waiting come and go, they are hard, so very hard when you are surrounded and engulfed by their arms. As if my eyes are blind to all else, they only see before them an endless waiting. A waiting that is painful and unbearable. "How can my soul bear another single day of waiting, Lord?" This has been the cry of my heart so often. Then, without the slightest hint of what is coming, it ends. It is over, the waiting, the crying out to my God for that which I was waiting for. As I walk forward into this new found answer, I find that it is more wonderful than I could have imagined...and that I miss the waiting.

I only miss it once I have come through it. It has happened so often that finally, at long last, I am beginning to recognize when I am in the middle of the waiting, and I have begun to cherish all that comes with it. If the Lord immediately answered my every prayer when I prayed it, if He gave me every wish I thought I wanted at every whim, if He never let me wait, I would not be who I am. I have found that it is in the middle, in the hardest, darkest parts of the waiting that He can begin to fashion me to be who He wants me to be. I learn to press into Him, I learn that the darkness can never overcome His light, I learn to pick up my sword, nay, to cling unto it and wield it with every ounce of strength that I have in my soul. For when I've waited, when I've been trained in that stillness for the battle that rages all around, it is then I can use the sword He has placed in my hand with more accuracy and precision.

It is in the waiting that I become more in tune with what my God is quietly speaking to my heart. Burdens He's placed there become even more weighted and urgent, yet the joy He gives increases as well. When the waiting has brought me to a place of not seeing where my next foot step will take me, I learn that I truly do not need to see when I'm gazing through His eyes. I begin to understand at a deeper level than ever before that, though my world may crumble into the sea, He is faithful...oh, so faithful! Never does He take me through a place of waiting without giving more than I imagined....often much more.

So, I would learn to savor each season of waiting. Each season of quiet from my precious Jesus does not mean He isn't listening, it means He is teaching me by example to be still and just wait on all the best He wants to give. And I truly do miss the waiting when it's gone, for there is something so sweet about having Him and Him alone to trust in with every fiber of my being.

"My soul waits for the Lord More than the watchmen for the morning; Indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning."  -Psalm 130:6
 Imagine, being so certain that our God would accomplish what He's promised to accomplish in our lives, that we were as sure of it as we were sure the sun would rise tomorrow morning. We do not question if the sun will come up, we do not say, " I don't know, that's a pretty big thing for the sun to rise ...I'm not sure he can handle it tomorrow." No! To even voice such a concern would be utterly foolish. Why then, do we question and doubt the One who created that very sun to rise in the first place?! Why do we complain and lose faith when we're in the night, waiting for His promises to dawn with the morning in our lives? For, as sure as He will command the literal sun to come up tomorrow morning, the periods that we wait in will come to a close as the night of our waiting fades away in the light of all that He is.

So, take courage if you happen to be in the night of waiting in your life. Do not begrudge it, but press into Him more and more and know with certainty, He is faithful. Gaze up at the stars He will place in your "night sky" and treasure every moment, for soon, the waiting will come to a close.

Saturday, May 28, 2011


This morning holds promises of a lovely, wonderful, simple kind of day. Perhaps it says that cinnamon pancakes for four beautiful kiddos should be the first order of business. Perhaps it promises that I will go with three of these beautiful kiddos to a local farm on this perfect spring day. Perhaps it sweetly whispers that a picnic just might be in order when we're finished looking at all the animals and running about hither and yon. Perhaps it promises of sweet, tired naps when we're home once again from our special outing, of gently laying two tired heads down with kisses and snuggles and words saying that I'll come wake them up "in a little while" for a lullaby. Then, the promises continue with laughing and giggling as the afternoon wears on and I think of how very much I love this life of mine. And to think they're not even my own kids, but I love them like they were. So, this morning whispers of the future and all that it could hold with other little ones yet to be. And my face smiles and my heart is happy for such a day.

without choice or wish.

Imagine, you are sitting there, reading a most interesting or frightful or wonderful book, when suddenly, you tumble into it. The book. Yes, head first like Alice down the rabbit hole. Are you prepared to be in the world you suddenly find yourself apart of? No getting used to it, visiting for a bit then backing once again into your own world. No casual beginnings as Lucy had in discovering Narnia through the wardrobe. You're just there, with no warning or preparing for any of it. There's no way for you to know how to get home again or if you even can. What do you do? What's your first plan of action? Do you stand there, blinking slowly, wondering what you ever did to deserve this? Do you not wonder, but just wherever looks best? Do you cry and sniffle, thinking perhaps if you stay in one spot, you'll fly back up and out of the book...except, now that you're here, it seems more like a real world than a book. How do you go escaping from a whole world?! Perhaps, if you jump high enough, wish hard enough, shout long enough....but, no. None of it works, for you are really and truly inside the world that heretofore had only been something imagined.

What comes to life before your eyes? What steps up from the imagined depths to stand before you in flesh and blood? Winged, hideous creatures that would sooner eat you as look at you? Or perhaps, some tiny fairy flits about here and there, asking you to follow where it leads. Do the trees whisper your name or does the ocean sing out a haunting song that can only be heard in this world? Does the sun set in brilliant blues and greens or does the moon shine with a deep purple light?

If I fell into a world, without choice or wish to do so, I would hope it to be far from the reality of the one in which I truly live. I would want to have nice long chats with talking animals or discover the secrets that unicorns hold so close. I would like to learn the song of the sea, swim in it's golden waters and sparkle with starlight when I came out. To ramble through moonshine and discover deep, ancient forests, where the very air is enchanted. Forests so dense, the sunlight is filtered through layer upon layer of leaves, giving all that it touches a soft, emerald glow. If I were in such a place, I imagine the music would float about and around and in me,  a living thing skipping about here and there, back and forth, in and out. And I imagine, after breathing and tasting the air of such a world, returning to my own may become only a distant memory...

If you fell into a world, without choice or wish to do so, what kind of world would it be? For each time we pick up that particular book, we are falling in and engrossing ourselves in all that it it worth it?

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

a call to anguish.

This morning as I'm about to head into my day, this is what is ringing through my soul. Please turn the music off at the bottom of the screen before you watch. May God touch your heart like never before through theses powerful words.

Monday, May 23, 2011

in awe.

Another beautiful day finished. The clock ticks out a beautiful rhythm as evening creeps in. Crickets and birds sing a lovely harmony in the stillness of the evening, welcoming in this enchanted time of day. Sitting here, listening to their song, I am drawn to His feet, wanting to press in and listen for His quiet whisper to come away with Him. I'm reminded of Song Solomon where His sweet voice calls so clearly...

"My beloved spake, and said unto me, 'Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.'"              -Song of Solomon 2:10
This is what I hear in the still of the evening. A beautiful call from Him, asking that I steal away and gaze into His beautiful face. There is nothing sweeter, no thing in this world that can rival the time spent just listening in the quiet. So often, I run here and there, busy, busy, busy, and miss the quiet, the stillness where His voice is articulated best in my soul. Yet, here in the stillness of this evening, I am once again reminded of my sweet Jesus, of His love for me, and like a wave breaking on the shore, it breaks upon me once again, this love of He who loved me so much He gave His life to save mine. Once again, I am in awe of the title wave of love that fills my soul. He is worthy, worthy to have this life of mine to do with as He will.

It is so sweet, sweet to have Him as the keeper of my heart, the keeper of all that I am, trusting that never will He leave, never will He turn away because He's angry with me, frustrated, or hurt...though, I know I have hurt Him time and time again. To know that no matter what, He constantly pursues me, He constantly calls for me to come away, never giving up and I am so in awe of all this. I love Him so, for the life He's blessed me with, for each day that I draw breath, for each beautiful evening and glorious morning I am honored to live in, for the people He has chosen to put in my life, it's all so astounding.

Every single day that passes by, though it may be ordinary, is extraordinary when lived through the eyes of my God and I wouldn't give up this life for anything in the world!