Friday, October 29, 2010

No Music

Most of the time when I write, I have music going in the background. A beautiful song can evoke thoughts and words that I'm sure I never would have thought of on my own. What happens when I turn off the music and write in total silence, with only the sound of normalcy playing in the background? Let's see, shall we?

It has been a most blustery autumn week. Actually, the past couple weeks have been this way. I'm almost certain the wind was trying to lift those out in the middle of it up and away...somewhere. Perhaps to Neverland or the Hundred Acre Wood, where they would have heard a dialog something like this:
Winnie the Pooh:Happy "Winds-day", Piglet.
Piglet: [being blown away] Well... it isn't... very happy... f-for me.
Winnie the Pooh: Where are you going, Piglet?
Piglet: That's what I'm asking myself, where? W-Whoops! P-P-P-Pooh!
Winnie the Pooh: And what do you think you will answer yourself?

What would you answer yourself if you were being carried off my the north wind? If I was being lifted up and spirited away, I should fancy I'd ask, " Will they have peppermint ice cream and Earl Grey tea where we're going, Mrs. Wind? For I should not like to go to a place that is dreadful enough to not have either of those wonderful things." However, being lifted in the wind's arms and taken to some wonderful "other world" would be an adventure of great proportions and I think I would relish every moment of the journey.

Last night, I discovered something very exciting. I was in a fabric store looking for just the right fabric to make my closet curtains with, and what should I come across? Brace yourself...Junior Mints that have peppermint pieces in the chocolate coating! Yes, I know this will probably alter your world somewhat, I know it did mine;-) I love junior mints and adding peppermint to them is simply genius, that's what it is! If you have not tried this wonderful holiday treat, do yourself a favor and go searching for some. Peppermint bark is quite extraordinary too, so you may have to look for that while you're at it. It's preferable to enjoy such treats with a wonderful cup of irish breakfast tea. Pop one in your mouth right after you've had a sip of tea and it will melt in the most perfect fashion...or at least I think so.

My Nama is here visiting me for two whole weeks! Glory! She is simply wonderful and I may never let her leave. There's nothing I enjoy more than spending time talking to her about "the olden days" and taking her to all my favorite spots. She's so easy to have around, never expecting anything and then when "anything" is thrust upon her, she enjoys it with relish. Plus, she is a master seamstress and it is so much fun being able to have the designs for clothes and decorations I have floating around in my head actually come to life! It's even more fun to tell people who ask where I got such a beautiful creation that "my Nama made it for me." She's a lover of peppermints, dark chocolate, and tea as well...must be where I get my good taste from;-)
In fact, as I type away, I have the hum of a sowing machine singing in the back ground.

For the first time in my life I am really and truly excited about winter. I have no idea why. I am not a cold weather person and never have been, but I am relishing the cold weather and actually, brace yourself, excited about snow! Yes, I know this is shocking, or will be to those who personally know me. Perhaps it's because I have this plan to snuggle down in my little room this winter, drinking lots and lots of tea and reading and writing till my hearts content. That could have something to do with it. Plus, I could very well be chirping a different tune come February...probably will be. Please remind me then, when I'm complaining about the snow and cold, that I was wishing for it back in October. But, for now I'm excited. I have an entire stack of books not written after 1920 that I am planning to become quite lost in. I need to make some new book friends, the kind that work their way into your heart and soul and require that you visit often. The Emily of New Moon trilogy is like that for me. Actually, I'm overdue a visit to New Moon and plan to visit within the next few days.

That reminds me, I cannot understand this new craze with Kindle or whatever that electronic book thing is called. I'm sorry, but bound books have been around for hundreds of years and I do not see how that can be improved on. There is nothing to me like opening an old, well worn book, who's binding is loose from years of being loved and diving into all that it is. The smell of books is heavenly and feeling the turn of the page or clasping it to your heart when it seems to be breaking for all the book is telling you, cannot be found in an electronic device. No offense to those of you out there who are addicted to your "electronic book" but I for one have no desire to purchase such a contraption. Then again, I am very old fashioned and despise my cell phone and do not much care for facebook either, let alone Twitter...actually, I will use great self control and not even address the subject of Twitter. I mean, I don't even own a T.V. nor do I desire to. Yes, I'm that old fashioned;-)

Huh, and this all came from not listening to music while I wrote...what do you think?

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


There are times, times when I know that He loves me. Then there are times when I know that He loves me. What is the difference? Well, I know His love at all times, I know I could not walk a single step, take a single breath, live a single moment, without the knowledge of this love. Then there are those times when His love comes crashing down into my soul and my world, for a moment, stops. It stops and every step, every breath, every second passing by is completely flooded with a love that is incomprehensible. It is a love that is so beautiful it hurts, for it holds every emotion I feel in the purest of forms.

What causes the crash? What produces the flood? Maybe it is a gentle autumn wind, blowing just right through the golden leaves of surrounding trees, maybe it's a sunset or sunrise in all their glory, maybe it's a shooting star that blazes for a split second across the sky, or perhaps it is nothing other than a firmness in my soul. What sweetness it is to have the ordinary produce the extraordinary.

Is that not how He works? He will do anything to get my attention, to have me lift my eyes to Him and know that He loves me. He longs to know me more than anything else on this earth and He woes my heart and soul to Him with each moment that my heart beats. So, how can I not love Him with all that I have in me? How can I not spend every moment with Him that I possibly can? Yet, this is exactly what I do not do. I resolve to set an unbreakable amount of time with Him and then I break it. I don't show up to the time we've decided to spend together. If I did this to anyone else over and over, they would soon grow tired of my flippancy and end the relationship. He doesn't. He waits for me, even when I'm not there. He calls to me, even when I do not answer, He loves me even when I do not deserve it in the slightest measure. This is incomprehensible.

And so I am resolved. Resolved to love without holding back, resolved to not break a sacred time that is meant only for Him, resolved to worship and adore Him with all that I have in me. I am resolved that this life of mine should never be about me, I am resolved that it will be all and only about He who saved me from all that I deserved to suffer because He chose to die rather than to live without me. I am resolved to declare that I will never walk this life alone because I have a champion, a knight, a prince that walks beside me and protects me. You see, I am His even when I do not act like it. All of this I am resolved to do.

I would have others witness my life and not see or think of me, but I would have them see and think of Him. This is all that I want for my life, this is all that I desire. For it is all about You Jesus, all this is for You, for Your glory and Your fame.

And so my world that was paused for a moment begins to spin again, but it will never be the same. It never is when a wave of His love sweeps down, reminding me that this is what my life is about, this love.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Happenings or thoughts from a day spent at my parents:

1. Wow, is it 6 am already? Why is this bed so much harder to get out of than my bed?

2. Please let there be cereal I can actually eat (oh the worries of someone allergic to gluten)...there is!!! YAY!

3. Drove through the canyon, was struck once again with its beauty and majesty.

4. No, I do not want to eat that...what is it anyway?

5. I am full to overflowing with wonderful brother hugs. Is there anything better?

6. Realized around noon that I'd missed coffee in my hunt for cereal this morning. Ugh, no wonder I'm so tired...

7. I have got to order new contacts! Well, maybe next month when I can budget them in...

8. Realized I have an article to write by Monday morning. What will I write it about? I have no idea. Don't you know I never know what I'm going to write about until I actually start writing?

9. Ate pistachio almond ice cream.

10. I want to go sky diving...really bad.

11. Was given a beautiful necklace from my dad, who just couldn't wait until Christmas apparently:-) He said it was to remind me that I'm his "carolina girl." Yep, he's pretty much awesome.

12. Was told that I looked like "one of those actresses" by an older lady, but "for the life of her, she just didn't know which one"...hmmm, I will just take that as a compliment;-)

13. Was described to someone as being "bouncy happy." He then proceeded to look at me this evening and said, " You know, now that I've been around you all day, you really are bouncy happy!" Well, since it's all Jesus, does that mean He is "bouncy happy"...yea, food for thought isn't it?;-)

14. Missed a dear friend

15. Missed another dear friend and the notes she leaves under my door.

16. Decided to make time this week to bake gingerbread with missed friend.

17. Decided to bring gingerbread to other missed friend who more than likely will not be baking with us.

18. Was asked if I thought I may have met my future husband

19. I realized today that it's almost November, which means the "holiday season" is almost upon us and it is my most favorite time of the year!!!

20. Had the very odd thought that I may actually enjoy this winter. We'll see how I feel about that come February...

Thursday, October 21, 2010

She's in Love

I just added this song to my playlist, it's the first one that starts playing. For some reason it starts and stops a couple times, but keep listening, it's a GREAT song!

She's In Love lyrics

What a beautiful smile
A radiant girl
Fell in love first time I saw her
She stays on my mind
I’d give anything
To know everything about her

There’s light in her eyes
And I know it’s all for Him
She carries on and on
Like He was her best friend

She’s in love (echo)
It’s not hard to see
But I would like to believe it was with me
Someone got a hold of her heart
And He won’t let go
And I know
She’s in love

She looks to the sky
When she talks about Him
She believes He hung the moon
Said He had to go away
She waits for His return
Says He’s coming for her soon

How can this be fair?
This guy can walk on water
Don’t guess I’ve got a prayer
He’s written love letters - to reach her

She worships the ground He walks on
She just smiles when she says His name
It’s a match made in heaven
I can’t compete with the King of Kings.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Of English Mornings and Pooh Bear

This morning is a decidedly "English" morning. The kind of morning where I look out the window at my little lake and can only just make it out through the heavy fog floating about everywhere. The little golden tree that stands outside my window is no longer dancing in the autumn breeze, but he is held perfectly still by a stillness that only comes with this kind of fog. It's a weighty and mysterious fog, which I love. An English fog. Even the birds are quiet, not daring to utter a single note for fear of breaking the silence.

I love everything about this kind of morning. I can look out, while the mountains are clouded from view, and almost imagine I'm in England...or Ireland. If I did not know beyond the shadow of a doubt that this is right where my God has placed me (and I do know this to be an absolute truth), I would almost be convinced that my ancestors made a grave mistake by
getting on the boat! Yes, this is a bit dramatic, but I do feel sometimes as if I was born in the wrong country during the wrong time period. This is dramatic as well and a bit silly even:-) Thankfully, I know that He created me for such a time as this and placed me right where He wants me to be. There is a sweet assurance in this thought, to know that I am in His mighty right hand and for now, He would have me no where else in the whole world, then right here in this little town, shadowed by these beautiful mountains, and witnessing this perfect English morning. When I see mornings like this, I feel like He has written me a love letter, reminding me that this is just for me and as long as I'm with Him, He can make any place perfect.

Yes, this morning is basically perfect. There is nothing, I'm quite convinced, so cozy as being tucked away in a pretty little room, snuggled down at one's very "english cottage" desk, cup of coffee in hand, letting my fingers sing out a steady song with every tap at the keyboard. There is nothing more cozy than having a cold, foggy, english morning to gaze out at and looking forward to the day that holds nothing in it for one to dread. This is wonderful. Of course, I can say there is nothing more wonderful than this kind of morning since I'm not braving the
outdoors to greet it.

This kind of start to the day makes me want to bake apples and make gingerbread 'till I drop! It's just the sort of thing that one should do on such a day. For some reason, when autumn really sets in it makes me want to watch Winnie-the-Pooh. Hmmm, I have no idea why, but it does. Maybe because it's such a sweet, cozy story? And I do crave cozy, beautiful things this time of year. Apple pie sounds really good too, hot out of the oven! I think that is definitely going to be put down on my list of things to accomplish today. It's an apple pie, with extra cinnamon and cloves kind of day. Then, perhaps just to make it perfect, I can talk the kiddos into sitting still long enough to watch Pooh bear while I make the pie. Now, that would make the day almost too there such a thing?

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Who are you?

Tell me who you are. Take me into your world and let me listen to all of who you are. Make me feel as if I were you, or a part of you, or at least a character in your world. What happens when I'm not here to listen to your story? Does everything in your world stop until I come back again? Do you twiddle your thumbs and wait for me with anticipation? Do you long to move about and continue on with your journey, but instead you wait for me to come along? I've heard about your journey many, many times. I never grow tired of hearing it and will probably come back to your adventure many, many times before I grow old. Every time I do, it seems to be a different story in some way. How is that possible? For you are you and your adventure is what it is, however, as I age your story ages with me. That is the magic, isn't it? That no matter how old I grow, you are timeless and my heart never tires of having you in all your youthfulness and your journey in all its age.

No matter how long I am away from you, no matter where I've gone or what I've done, you always welcome me home again and we pick up right where we left off. No phone calls or texts or facebooking needed, you just love that I come back to you. Truly, there is no other as dear and welcoming as you are. This is just one of the many reasons I love and appreciate you so much. Though others may come to know you, you are forever mine alone, yet you will also be personally theirs as well. It is beautiful how you can do such a thing, making one person feel as if you belong only to them and making the next feel just the same.

I don't mind. I want to share you with as many people as will listen to you. I want them to come to know you in all their own way and I will continue to know you in mine. I think I will come back today. I'll come back to your world that I know so well. I'll come back to all that you are and become lost in your story. Perhaps you'll tell me of a magical land where four children are called to and become forever kings and queens, beloved by Aslan (he's not a tame lion you know). Perhaps you'll gently whisper to me of my Jesus and what life may have been like for Him so long ago. Perhaps, in hearing your thoughts on who He was, I'll fall all the more in love with Him. Maybe, I'll become best friends with a redheaded orphan girl and dance with her past the Lake of Shining Waters into Avonlea, or I could become a fifth sister to four other sisters who become Little Women in the course of their story. Wherever you take me, whomever I meet, I know that by making the choice to listen I'll be forever changed. And if the choice is the right one, the change is the most beautiful thing of all...

"The function of a good book is
to stand like a signpost guiding
the reader to the Truth and the Life."

-A.W. Tozer

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Autumn leaves and time...

It's a beautiful day, filled with heavy gray clouds, patches of blue sky, and the promise of autumn in the air. I adore this time of year. I love watching the leaves turn into bright gems of color to then gently float to the ground, landing with gentle acceptance of their fate. I love the smell of cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves permeating my kitchen and how it makes homemade bread smell that much more delicious. There's something about fall that shoots straight for one's appetite, making all things eaten taste all the more scrumptious. Perhaps it's the cool air, or the smells dancing from the kitchen, or just autumn in general.

Autumn is definitely my favorite season, though where I live can only afford a very short autumn at best. This year, however, it seems to be holding out a bit longer than usual, which is wonderful! Thursday, I spent the afternoon with a sweet, wonderful friend of mine, whom I completely adore. She has a tradition of baking apples and making gingerbread within the first few days of this cooler season. Though we did not make it to the gingerbread, the baked apples that filled our afternoon were heavenly! It had been forever since I'd baked apples. In fact, the last time I remember baked apples in my past, I was a little girl too young to do any of the baking and they were put in and pulled out of the oven by my sweet Nama. I'd forgotten just how much I LOVE baked apples! Oh my, the smell and taste of such a treat, warm out of the oven...yum!

As I look out the window, the ground is covered in bright yellow and orange leaves, yet to lose their color. They seem to be holding on as long as they can, shouting for the world to notice this last attempt before they fade away. I admire so much what they have to teach, what they show through their short lives. At the very end, it is then that they shine and burn the brightest. I want that to be said of my life, that it was a continual flame for His glory, ever burning brighter and brighter as the years passed. When I come to the very end, I desire that others look back on my life and see that it was at the very end that I shone and burnt for Him greater than ever before.

It's funny how we don't like to ponder the end. We don't like to think of time slipping through our fingers and suddenly waking to find that time is gone. It's odd to me, this fear we have of time taking wing and flying out of our grasp. Why fear it? The only thing that is consistent in this life, besides the love of our precious Jesus, is that time is forever moving, forever changing. We cannot make it go any slower or faster, we all get to the end at only 60 minute intervals, no matter what we do. So, why dread what can't be changed? Why fear getting old? I know I'm very young and maybe I have no right to comment on such a thing as growing old, but it seems to me this culture of ours has a warped sense of what youth and beauty is. Yes, I'm still young enough to not have earned any wrinkles on my face, however, when I begin to grow old, I hope I will have earned many wrinkles. Wrinkles that were earned through laughter and tears both, for never can I expect to have the one without the other. I do not desire to age in such a way that "age" is not shown, for in the end no matter how we inject and slice our face, age does settle there. Why fight and scream at it? Instead, I want to learn now to love every age and stage of my life, so that when old age does come upon me, I can embrace it and love every moment of it.

My Nama is such a woman. At 80 years old, she is more beautiful to me today than all the pictures of her with her youthful beauty. She has lived a life full of love, laughter, tears, and joy. Every wrinkle on her face seems to radiate what true beauty is and how a woman may look when she has been totally in love with her Savior for more years than I've been alive. She truly is burning brighter with the glory of Jesus at this season in her life, then at any other time. I am a blessed woman because of her, for she is teaching me how to not fight time, but to find joy in flying along with it. I am learning that, just like the leaves I'm witnessing this fall, a person can gracefully and mightily become more in the autumn of their life than they ever were before. If being like her is what I can look forward to when I'm her age, than I have absolutely nothing to fear and it seems to me, I can look forward to all that's ahead. So, I'll follow the example that she has set, holding time's hand with one hand, and grasping my Savior's in the other. And perhaps together, we can go dancing to the end of my life...