“To wait is not merely to remain impassive. It is to expect—to look for with patience, and also with submission. It is to long for, but not impatiently; to look for, but not to fret at the delay; to watch for, but not restlessly; to feel that if He does not come we will acquiesce, and yet to refuse to let the mind acquiesce in the feeling that He will not come.” -Andrew Davidson
I came across this quote today and it definitely knocked the breath out of me, for it captured all that's in my heart within this one paragraph. There are so many things I feel like I'm waiting on in this season. Some things I'm longing to begin and others I'm longing would end. Yet, I've learned that waiting is such a gift from Him, no matter what it is I'm waiting for. I've gone through too many waiting seasons to not recognize when I'm in the midst of another one...though, at times the recognizing does not make it any easier. Tonight, it does not make it any easier, but despite it all, He is so good to make me wait. Even though there are times when I want to scream, "Why must I wait so long?! Why can't my prayers be answered now?!" Yes, even in those times, when I've gotten over my moment of dramatics, I can feel Him firmly wrap His arms around me and whisper, " Am I not enough? Is there anyone else that can comfort you like I can? Will you not give me all of your heart and hold nothing back so that I may give you all that I desire for your life?" My answer is yes. It's always yes, but I need Him to ask me over and over so that my heart is reminded of what I'm waiting for and I can answer over and over and over, "Yes. Yes. Yes." And He is so good. I cannot express how wonderful He is and when we're alone, my soul truly knows that for the rest of my life, I want nothing but to pursue Him with all the strength I have.
It's a fight, this pursuit of my God. There are many enemies who would stop me, knock me down, and ultimately kill me...but, you know what? Every single step I take, every inch I gain, every mile I run towards Him is worth it. I can think of nothing else in this life worth pursuing with all that I have in me, for I get only one chance at this. I'm allowed one shot to make this life count, because I'm definitely not planning on walking this way again, and I must know that it made a difference even in the smallest of ways. If I try and try to rescue many children and succeed in rescuing only one child, if I try and try to tell many people about this God who loved them so much He died for them and only one person hears me, if I try and try to share the joy of Jesus with all those around me and only one soul discovers it, if I try and try and try for all that I can accomplish for the Kingdom of Heaven and because of this I am poured out, used up, spent, and broken, then it will all have been worth it. Each one. Each one. For it does not have to be many...I am not many, yet my God would have died to save me if I had been the only one on this earth.
This is what I'm clinging to with all my heart. Though I may wait on many things, to end or begin it doesn't really matter, I will do it with longing and joy in my soul. For if I pray and pray and pray and if none of these things is accomplished in my life time for His Kingdom and the glory of His name, it will have been worth it. Yes, though even one is worth it, the spending of our lives if we never see the fruit is worth it all. For God never wastes anything, and every second spent pursuing Him, no matter what I see accomplished, is worth it.