You know what? I'm so in love with Jesus, I can't find the words to describe it! I'm learning not to begrudge the terrible hits the enemy can send but, to sharpen my sword, not spend a moment letting the hit send me to the ground and to jump back into the battle with a cry of joy! Doesn't mean I won't shed some tears and need to rebalance that sword I'm holding, but I'm holding it still and that's the point. When it gets hard, when I'm not sure where to turn, I'm truly learning that I don't need to talk to anyone about the details, I don't need to be held in anyone's arms, but simply to fall into His, to cry out to Him, to tell Him all the details, though He knows them already, and to let my soul find the rest it needs there. For there is no one on this earth that will ever be able to fulfill me like He can and it's times like these that prove to me just how true this is. There have been such sweet walks alone with my Savior, such wonderful conversation, such beautiful moments of simply being alone with Him...how could I ever be lonely with such a God there every moment?! It's becoming my favorite thing to do in my day, rambling about in my little wood with Him and if I can't for whatever reason, I sorely miss those walks. An ideal day would be to begin and end the day with such walks, for I cannot seem to ever get enough of Him! In fact, the more I'm with Him the more I long to be with Him even more still.
There is a quote by Jonathan Edwards, written of his future wife Sarah (though he did not know at the time she would be his) that sums up exactly what I would strive for each day:
“They say there is a young lady in (New Haven) who is loved of that Great Being, who made and rules the world, and that there are certain seasons in which this Great Being, in some way or other invisible, comes to her and fills her mind with exceeding sweet delight; and she hardly cares for anything, except to meditate on him… she has a strange sweetness in her mind, and singular purity in their affection… you could not persuade her to do anything wrong or sinful…. She is of a wonderful sweetness, calmness and universal benevolence of mind…. She will sometimes go about from place to place, singing sweetly; and seems to be always full of joy and pleasure; and no one knows for what. She loves to be alone, walking in the fields and groves, and seems to have someone invisible always conversing with her.”I am sure it would take a life time for me to attain anything close to such a life and I certainly am far from it now, but I would hope that one day someone could write or simply know that my greatest desire, my one true pleasure, delight, and joy come from Him and Him alone. May all things that have been set up as idols in my life be torn down so that this relationship with Him is unhindered! For there is nothing, nothing this world holds, nothing I would hold onto that is worth the cost of even the smallest rift between He and I. And as much as I ache to be His alone, to have my focus completely on Him, how much more He longs for these things!
Do you know, you who are reading this here in this moment, that He longs for the same things with you as well? That your relationship would be daily and intimate with Him and that you would discover His joy and peace like you've never known them before. These are only a small statement of the vast aspects of who He is that He wants you to have and know. Begin today! Do not let another moment pass with anything in your life that is hindering you from knowing the fulness of who He is. For He loves you more than you could ever imagine. And that love is far too great to leave you where you are if you'll reach out and accept it...