Tuesday, January 18, 2011

i am small.

The sky is blue and the clouds are rolling in over the mountains. They are stark and clear, jutting up from the earth like proud giants, pointing to their maker. The wind dances across the plains. And next to this, I realize I am small.

The sea runs in and through me when I stand next to it. It's as if my soul can only be still standing here on this shore, digging my toes into the grey, cool sand. As if, this is the only place I can truly breath right. The seagulls soar and dive, crying a haunting melody to the tragic sea. The waves tumble and roll, chasing children away from their reaching hands. And next to this, I realize I am small.

Running, moving, breathing, pounding out my minutes on the hard pavement. Music gently filters through the headphones, and my lungs burn. My heart pumps harder, my blood flows faster, my breath comes quicker...and next to all this, I realize I am small.

She is glowing, and inside of her, life is moving, kicking, pushing. Her tummy swells and her time is upon her. Fighting with every breath, she brings him into the world, and he is beautiful. He cries for one brief moment and then, slowly opening his eyes, he gazes around his new world. I am infinitely happy and infinitely sad, for today life and death begin their war anew for this little life. For this first day, however, he is perfect and pure and utterly sweet. Life is winning on this first day and death has left no mark on this little one as of yet. And next to this, I realize I am small.

I stare up into the night sky. Stars twinkle and laugh while the moon looks on, gently smiling at their mirth. Moonshine pours gently onto a little lake and small field, bathing them in enchantment that only the moon can create. If anything is possible, surely it could happen now, next to this lake and this field. If animals could talk, they would here of all places, if I could learn to fly, I am almost certain I could learn here, in this moment. And next to this, I realize I am small.

The words ebb and flow, a living thing that pours forth like a fountain every time I open this book. I am pierced through, my heart aches and cries out. I am filled with joy, laughter, and my heart rejoices. I am convicted. I am spurred on. The words are in me, tangible and real, a weapon used for this war I am in. They are no longer words, they are the Word, a double edged sword given to me by Him. He placed the sword in my hands and this is what I cleave to. And next to this, I realize I am small.

Jesus. Yesterday, today, to Him, I am small. Next to Him, I realize I am loved beyond all I can comprehend. Next to Him, I understand that He uses the smallest in His hands to accomplish great and mighty things.

Breath, laughter, tears, life...I am small. But, my God is big. To know this is to not be small after all...


  1. beautifully, wonderfully, perfectly written!!

  2. Life is winning on this first day.....just lovely.

  3. Thanks everyone:-) I'm so glad He blessed you by what he wrote through me. I love you too, sweet Kate!