i'm not listening.

How do you learn to truly let go? To completely open your hands and let God have it all, every little aspect of every little piece of every bit of this life? How do you walk away from it all? Your reputation, your belongings, your life, and exchange it for His? How do you learn not to care what others think, what they see, what they think they know of your calling, and simply care what He thinks alone? I don't totally have the answer. I'm still learning to trust that, no matter what He calls me to, He will provide the means for me to accomplish that calling. There is safety in that thought.

I've been pondering all this of late. Pondering the voices that try to scream so loudly in my world and in my head, that what I'm doing is not prudent. The thing is, I don't much care about seeming prudent to this world. I don't care a whit if I ever have a cent to my name, as long as I'm living the life I know He's called me to. The beautiful thing about living the life He calls us to though, is that He never fails to provide what we need. Perhaps we won't have luxury, but we will want for nothing. I have seen this testament in my own life and continue to see it daily and I am amazed by my God.

There are times, however, when I become frustrated with the enemy who has such an uncanny ability to speak directly through those who have a powerful voice in my life. I picture myself at these times, squeezing my eyes shut like a child, crouching down, and covering my ears, saying, "I'm not listening! I'm not listening!" over and over and over. If I give even a moment to what these voices say, discouragement, fear, panic, all of these swarm in and clinch my soul faster than I can combat. So, no! It's not worth entertaining any voice, no matter how well meaning they are, if it does not align with what I know my God has called me to. I am not interested in following anyone's advice if they are not fully given to His spirit ruling their life. I am not willing to take advice from a single person if their life does not evidence the workings of Him. This is extremely hard at times, for I want to make those in my life happy. Happy about what I'm doing and proud of who I am. When I type it out, however, I realize what a foolish woman I am. Foolish to care about anything but the glory of my God. Foolish and selfish to desire that anyone would be "proud of what I'm doing and who I am" because, I would have not a single person be proud of "me" but, think only of my Jesus and be amazed at what He is doing in the lives of those around them. For there is nothing good in me, no, not even a hint. Charles Spurgeon said it so well:

"If a soul has any beauty, it is because Christ has endowed that soul with His own, for in ourselves we are deformed and defiled! There is no beauty in any of us but what our Lord has worked in us."   -Charles Spurgeon

Oh, the beauty of seeing Him work in our lives! This is what I desire most. I desire to never care what others think and feel about me, but care only what they think and feel about their God. For nothing else in this world matters in the least but this. I desire to see those around me brought to the full realization of who Jesus Christ is, what His name means in their lives, see them brought to their faces before Him because of His mighty power and great love, and then raised up again living the victorious Christian life!

I desire the women in my life to become fully feminine, fulfilled by Jesus alone, being made strong through Him to love, comfort, and fight for the souls of those He has put in their lives. I desire the men in my life be brought to their knees before their God, then lifted up mighty men who defend His truth with their very lives, who wipe the spit off the face of Jesus, then turn and utterly decimate the enemy, who, as a roaring lion, would seek to ravish the helpless and vulnerable of this world. I desire to see them fully masculine in Him, knowing when to comfort and when to fight for those around them.

So, no, I'm not listening. I'm not listening to any voice but His. And I care for nothing but being used so the glory of His name might be high and lifted up through my life and in the lives of those around me...and those who are not...