Tuesday, March 22, 2011

to know myself.

"The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become - because He made us. He invented us. He invented all the different people that you and I were intended to be. . .It is when I turn to Christ, when I give up myself to His personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own." 
                                                                                                           - C.S. Lewis

I read this tonight and it was as if a light went on for the first time. Obviously, I knew this to be true before tonight, but reading the words, seeing them burning before my eyes, they were like a living thing and they have firmly rooted themselves in my heart. To know myself does not mean "looking inside and finding who I really am" it doesn't mean "accepting and loving who I am" because, who I am is not someone I can love or accept. Who I am is steeped in sin and ruled by my flesh. It means looking at Christ and Christ alone, looking deep inside His heart, accepting and loving who He is and what He did for me, and falling ever more in love with Him. When I desire to know who He is, that is when I truly begin to see who I can be with my life exchanged for His. It's amazing to me that the closer I get to Him, the more time I spend with Him, the more creative and inspired I become! This is a beautiful example that the statement above is true. Yet, I have changed. By seeking His will, diving into His word, catching a glimpse of His beautiful face, my desires have changed completely. No longer do I desire the job that allows me to have "the" car and house with a white picket fence. No! Give me huts in Africa, shanties in Haiti, prisons in China, give me any place where I can be used to bring glory to His name! Put me anywhere that draws me closer to Him, where my life may be spent and used. Let me desire to "give what I cannot keep, to gain what I cannot loose."

Yes, my desires have changed, who I thought I was has changed, praise God! I am finally learning that who I am is totally and irrevocably lost in all that He is and what a beautiful place it is. Never again do I want the "old man" back, but may I forever be made new in Him. So, let me give up all that I am, let me always turn to Him and Him alone, and only then may I discover a "personality of my own."


  1. Jade... this spoke to my heart this morning. Especially as it is along the same lines of what I read in "The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers" this morning. He was writing on being a disciple; we can not turn to our emotions and feelings for the path of dying to self, we must give ourself up completely to God (and I love that in the CS Lewis quote; give up to His )
    I have much to grow in and God is sanctifying me more every day. I have seen how it truly is an "endless frontier". But I praise Him for the distinct change in my life & focus the past couple years. I too no longer desire the old man, those past desires sicken me. Oh Lord, bring me to the place, anywhere, that I may better glorify you!

    I have followed your blog for quite a while now, and it is one of my favorites. But can not remember if I have ever commented... I attended the Taste of Ellerslie conference back in Sep which was a most amazing weekend ever. God showed me truths like never before. And I am excited beyond words to be attending Ellerslie this summer!! It is a long story of how Ellerslie has come to fruition in my life.... I am filled with such great expectancy of what the Lord has in store. And I look forward to officially meeting you :-)
    Thank you for sharing your heart and that which the Lord is revealing you. Oh, and btw, I absolutely love your current header. Beautiful.

  2. Dearest Lydia,
    Thank you so much for your wonderful comment! It truly made my morning:-) Our Jesus is so, so good and faithful and wonderful! I cannot wait to meet you and hear of how He opened the doors for you to spend a season with us here at Ellerslie. I am so excited to see the mighty plans He has in store for you and know that I'm praying for you as you prepare to come in the next few months:-) Did I meet you back in Sept.? The weekends get a little busy with so many people and I'm especially bad with names, so I just know that if I did meet you I loved you right away:-D I hope you have a beautiful day overflowing with the love of our precious Jesus

  3. I am so excited to get a reply from you Jade :-) It makes me happy to get in touch with you before this summer. Thank you so much for your prayers, it blesses me to know how much the Ellerslie staff cares for each student from their heart. Oh I can't wait to come be a part of Ellerslie!! Jut a couple months :D
    No, I o not believe I actually met you at the conference. But I know I saw you... you where right by Annie once when I was talking to her. It's kind of funny, I've followed everything about Ellerslie and the Ludy's for so long I feel as if I know everyone already! And I completely understand not remembering people and names, especially in your position. We shall meet face to face soon!
    May you have a lovely Spring evening filled with blessings!

  4. Dear Jade,
    Thanks so much for sharing this! I recently posted this on one of my blogs also --it is a truly beautiful truth!! ♥ I actually read that quote in Secure in the Everlasting Arms by Elisabeth Elliot a couple days ago...

    Again, thanks for sharing. I am so thankful that our true identities our found in our Savior. His work in our lives is beautiful; as He shapes, molds, and purifies our desires and lives to His.

    By His grace,