I am home and I am happy. I am so very blessed, it's a marvel to me each and every day that I wake up. There has been lots of Christmas shopping, baking, and general merry making going on around here! It's been wonderful.

One of my best friends from childhood is having a baby...due yesterday. We are really praying that this little boy decides to show up very, very soon. Like today. Not tomorrow though...maybe the day after Christmas. It's hard to believe, I don't feel old enough for her to be having a baby;-) So, in her 9 month pregnant state, sleep is not really coming all that easy. This is a perfect recipe for hilarity to ensue...in the form of baking...a lot of baking....till like 3 in the morning. Oh, yes, yes we did. She found this "really good recipe for chocolate no bake oatmeal cookies" that she just had to make. And thumb print cookies and chocolate dipped pretzels and sugar cookies and peppermint cheese cake bars. Oh, did I mention that we didn't start until 9 at night? And I made dinner for her and her mom and dad somewhere in the midst of all this baking and general chaotic goings on? I did. Boy, it was fun! I thrive in situations like that:-) Comes with growing up in a chaotic, loud, house where there were always about 50 things going on at once.

So, there we are, she's bumping into all the cabinets with her big tummy and I'm trying not to bump into her and baby and we are laughing so hard that we can hardly breath. Like the belly laughter that only comes at 1 in the morning, when every single thing you do is absolutely hilarious! Plus, nothing in any of the first few batches of cookies would go right. I mean, the oddest, most bizarre things were happening....and I thought baking at high altitude was hard. Well, this shouldn't have been difficult, but it was the nature of the night...and us...and the time. Yes. Then, baby wakes up and decides to do somersaults and flips in the middle of all the calamity happening in the kitchen. Looked like she had an alien in her belly. Ha! It really wasn't funny...well, yes it was.

And those chocolate oatmeal cookies. All I have to say about them is that I'm pretty sure you could've used them as hockey pucks. Seriously. Her dad almost broke a tooth on them and promptly said, in a very sweet and serious voice, "Um, honey? I don't think these are going to work...you should definitely give them away as Christmas gifts." Ha! She was highly disappointed in how they turned out, partly because I think she started craving them as she was making them:-D That would be a disappointment. Everything else turned out after the second or third batch, however. Saddest part? Most of them were pre-made, you know, the kind you can buy and just stick in the oven. Yeah. And I bake almost everyday from scratch at home!!! I don't know what was wrong with me. I'm blaming it on the very "large" time change;-)

Ah, but now it's Christmas Eve day and it's beautiful here in sunny South Carolina. Tomorrow is Christmas and it's hard to believe it came so quickly. I am not thinking about the gifts or even Christmas itself, however, but Jesus. Jesus who is so faithful and wonderful and who never leaves me. Who wipes away my every tear, who whispers, " My love, I've never and will never leave your side. I have loved you all your life. You are not alone for I am here." This is what I'm thinking about, what I'm hearing Him say to me today. And once again, I will never be the same, for it's the sweetest voice that calls to me.

This is what I'm thinking about on this day before Christmas. That even though it is not technically Jesus' birthday tomorrow, what a gift He was and is to me today and every day I draw breath. I could not live without knowing Him...or, I suppose I could, but it could not compare with this life of loving and being loved by Him. I am humbled and amazed when I truly begin to think about what a merciful, loving God we have, who gave His only son to me..to you. I don't care when His birthday actually was, I want to drop to my face before my God and cry out, "Thank you, thank you, thank you! I am not worthy, so thank you!" This is the gift I never have nor never will deserve, no matter when He was really born. That is trivial next to knowing and having a relationship with Him. Today, I am convicted to press into my Jesus all the more, because He was given to me by my Father who loved Him more than life itself...and loved me enough to freely send His precious Son as a baby. A baby who would grow to be the man who would hang on that cross for me.

Father, thank you for Jesus, though I'll never do anything to deserve Him. Thank you for His blood that covers me and makes a way for me to know the fulness of who You are. Thank you for the gift He was and is every single day. Thank you for life itself and for the chance to live it with You to the fullest extent. May I never, never forget or let what You did for me grow dim. Let it blaze before my eyes like the star that the wise men followed so long ago...

chest colds, soup, and gingerbread men.

I have a dreadful chest cold. You know, the kind that makes you honk like a goose when you cough...or at least that's what happens to me. The kind that makes you want to curl up in a ball and shut the world out for days on end with some nice chicken noodle soup. Maybe watch some old Doris Day movies with that soup. Ugh. Unfortunately, life will let me do no such thing and so trudging on I go in my foggy state. Thankfully, I adore everything I do, otherwise I'd be pretty miserable right now.

I feel like there's a band wrapped around my chest. I know what I need, but I won't get any till Saturday when I go home. I need some Avgolemono soup.

That's quite a name isn't it? I mean, with a name like that, it should cure everything! And it does. It's the Greek "cure all" for basically any ailment that may have come upon you. My step mom is greek and this is a traditional greek soup made out of rice, chicken broth, lemon, and eggs. It is the most delicious soup to ever slide over anyone's tongue and I live off of it when I'm home sick and she's there to make it for me. Knocks chicken noodle soup totally out of the water! So, the goal is to not die (because chest colds are so deadly) before I can make it home to consume mass amounts of Avgolemono soup on Saturday.

Alright, today I tried to bake gingerbread men...again...frustration. As much as I like to bake, gingerbread men and I do not get along. They are constantly trying to run away from me...or I'm decapitating them...or they have limbs falling off here and there. Dreadful. The kitchen began to look like a gingerbread war zone after a few hours of trying to figure out how to get them to not fall apart at this altitude, even though I was using a "high altitude" recipe that came "highly recommended" on the internet. You just can't believe anything on the internet nowadays;-).

I eventually had somewhat of a successful batch. Well, their arms were a bit fat and sort of ran into their necks...but hey, you could at least tell what they were...and there were no arms, legs, or heads left lying about when all was said and done. Nor were there any headless cookies to speak of. Whew.

tea roses. suitcases. baking.

So, here's the truth, I love tea roses. A lot. I have a whole bunch of them sitting on my little english desk and I'm drinking the sight of them in as I type this. Here's another truth, I have to pack for a three week trip and I am procrastinating. Big time. I always procrastinate packing really badly;-) And so, instead of packing like I should be, I shall blog because this is oh so much more productive. Ah, well at least I'm honest about the situation.

Speaking of packing, which of course leads one to think about suitcases, I love old vintage suitcases/bags/trunks. If I could collect them with any kind of good reason, I would. However, I can think of no logical reason (not that everything in life has to be logical...most of the time I'm not such a huge fan of logic) to collect such a thing. I might be able to think of why I should collect vintage bags, such as actually having the space to keep them. Can you imagine me trying to store old trunks and suitcases in my little space?! Bahaha! Maybe I could stack them all together, get rid of my bed, and put the mattress on top of them...would that be reasonable? A "trunk" bed. Might actually work...

I'm headed home for three weeks on Saturday. Haven't been back to good old S.C. in far too long, but I'm going to miss "here" very much. It says a lot about where you live and what you do, when you're torn in going on vacation. I am blessed...obviously. Mostly it's the people though. I am amazed at the incredible, amazing people God has given me to work and live with. Says a lot about a group of people when they can all live together, spend ginormous amounts of time with each other, and at the end of the day, not want to leave each other. Beautiful!

What's better than slice of delicious homemade bread? Homemade peanut butter with raw honey on the homemade bread! Oh-my-word! Can you say yummy?! I love to bake bread, however, I have had a very love/hate relationship with my efforts lately. Living at a very high altitude, baking becomes a whole other entity. I mean, how do you get bread to rise and cornbread to not fall apart here? Well, if there's any interest, I'll blog about some of my secrets;-) I have conquered the art of baking the perfect loaf of bread at this altitude, after months and months of failing. Success! I was truly beginning to sympathize with Anne and all of her cooking escapades.

Now, I'm off to try and figure out the perfect gingerbread cookie for a special little man's Christmas party. It's a wonder we're not all in a cookie coma after all the cookies I've been baking the last couple weeks. However, for those moms out there who are appalled at the thought of their children consuming mass quantites of sugar this festive season, I only have one word for you...xylitol! It's a natural sweetener that comes from some fruits and veggies, measures cup for cup like sugar AND here's the best part, it actually helps fight cavities! Oh, yes, you heard me right, cookies, candy, cake, and whatever other sweet creation you come up with that actually help your kiddos. This is something to rejoice over! Happy baking everyone:-)

I have but one thought. Oh, the deep, deep love of Jesus! Let me never forget the precious, wonderful, amazing knowledge that no matter how unfaithful I am, He is interceding for me before the throne. This is all I need, the only thing I should put my trust in, being confident that He is watching over me, for He died to make me His own. There is a love so powerful, so fulfilling, so all encompassing that to know it is to live. It is His love, this man that is God, this man of joy, and of sorrow. May I never forget, may this knowledge wash over me afresh each and every morning. "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, wonderful merciful Savior, blessed redeemer and friend, who would have thought that a lamb could rescue the souls of men?" Ah, but the lamb wore the face of a lion, the mighty lion of Judah, and He ripped apart the plans the enemy had laid for you and for me. He clearly provided a way for the simple, beautiful reason that He loves us.

What a God, what a Savior. What joy there is in the giving up of all the world esteems, and following after all He would call me to. This surpasses all that this world could ever offer me and I would walk away from it all over and over and over again, to know more and more and more if this love and joy that He supplies. I am learning, oh so slowly, that whatever I give up in this world, He replaces with far more than I could ever have imagined. Not with things the world finds value in, but with that which has no value, because it can never be lost.

Let me live my life in such a way that I grasp that which has no value in this world, but surpasses all value in His kingdom.

That time of year.

It is the Christmas season. It is the most wonderful time of year. The time of year that sings of hot chocolaty nights...

...filled with crackling fires to make the chocolate taste all the more delicious.

The time of year filled with tiny lights sparkling and winking as if the sky had let stars rain down.

The time of year when troubles seem to melt away (unless you're stressing over Christmas presents...I wouldn't recommend that) and laughter, joy and mirth go dancing about here and there.

The time of year when the air seems to be made of such delights as cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, orange, pumpkin, and apples.

The time of year when, no matter what kind of family you have, no matter how they can drive you crazy at times, you overflow with love for them and want to be with them. The time of year when the smell of a Christmas tree floods your memories with years gone by and lighting it for the first time is like magic itself. Yes, it's the most wonderful time of year.

I have had several people say to me lately that they feel this is also the most selfish time of year. The time of year that sets our children up for thinking only about what they want as opposed to what they can give. The time of year that replaces the true meaning of Christmas, Jesus, with Santa, Frosty, and Rudolph. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I don't like these characters as much as anyone, but if it's true that we're letting them take the place of Jesus Christ, we have a serious problem. If this is true in my own life, I would rather cast them out than to have Jesus given less glory, because that is all that matters to me.

This is my favorite time of year, I love everything about it. Not for what I might get from others, but just for the beauty and love I feel. For the thought that, Jesus, though December 25th may not be His exact birthday, did come as a tiny baby, He did leave heaven for me, and He did take on human form forever because of His great love for you and I. This is the truth. No matter when He was born, this is the immovable truth. So, this is what Christmas is all about to me, it's not about the gifts, hot chocolate, Santa, or any other representation of Christmas. It is only about Him, but this is how it should be with everything that enters my life, with every aspect of who I am. For as I have said before, I am not my own, I am His. And if I am His then nothing I do can be about me or anything else, it can only be about Him and giving Him glory in all I do, because I love Him so.

Jesus, you have won my heart.

Random Thoughts.

Here I sit and I realized that I am thinking about the most random things. So, what do I do with all this randomness going on inside me? Blog about it of course!

1. If I planted a bulb indoors in a class jar, how long would it take for it to bloom? I think I shall try this little experiment...what kind of bulb should I plant? Anyone want to give me any suggestions or tips?

2. If one more person walks by me that wreaks of cigarettes, I am quite sure to be ill.

3. There is a woman sitting across from me reading this ginormous book on...kittens. Yes.

4. Which will be better for a tummy that's not feeling so well, peppermint or ginger tea?

5. If I could play any instrument I wanted, I'd play the cello. But, I play the violin.

6. I am about to be 25...is it weird that I don't feel weird about this? People keep acting like I should be freaking out because I'm half way through my twenties and, "You're going to be 30 in five years." Why, yes, yes I am. Imagine that?! You can do math!

7. Forget the ginger and peppermint tea, I'll take Holiday tea instead. Cinnamon, cloves, and orange...YUM!

8. This ring on my hand has gotten way too big...how much does it cost to have a ring resized?

9. I want Grace to come home please.

10. I am addicted to quirky decorating magazines. Oh man, do I have the best idea for my golden wall. I'll probably have to post pictures of it:-)

11. I miss a certain friend. A lot.

12. I love oranges!!!

13. Could I find an old window pane anywhere to hang on my wall? How neat would that be??

14. I would really love some extra dark chocolate right about now.

15. I am ecstatic that my Mom is coming to spend next weekend with me for my birthday:-D

16. I'm becoming quite obsessed with bell jars, bird's nests, and moss. There's something charming about bringing the outdoors into indoor decorating. And I LOVE to decorate...becoming quite the expert on how to do this on a shoe string budget.

17. Also, falling in love with splashes of purple and hints of gold here and there.

18. Wonder how much my decorating style will have changed when I'm the dreaded 30? I'm quite excited about being 30. What is everyone going on about?

19. I am determined to read a book and have it finished by next week. This is not a huge feat for me seeing how I'm usually a voracious reader. Lately, reading has not been the top priority, however. Time to amend that.

20. Do you ever blog and journal at the same time? I do. Doing it right now actually:-)

21. Listening to Rachmaninoff Rhapsody and Songbird over and over again.

22. Why is it that when I have the most wonderful desk, I choose to sit on the floor with computer, journal, and books all sitting on Nama's old trunk? It is the perfect height to type though.

23. What would it be like to spend a year in England or Ireland living in a little country cottage and just writing. Writing and concentrating on photography till my heart wanted to burst? I'd like to find out...

24. I miss Italy. A lot.

25. I wish we had open air markets here like Switzerland and Italy. I could live off bread, cheese, and fresh fruit...and espresso and dark chocolate of course:-)

26. I've discovered recently that I like dijon mustard far more than is normal. Really.

27. I have also discovered that I really enjoy soft boiled eggs, hate hard boiled eggs, and prefer sunny side up above all the rest:-)

28. I want to wear my Bible out. You know, where you pick it up and know that this Bible is well worn and used daily.

29. Why can't "The Egg and I" have cinnamon-nutmeg coffee year round? I'd drink it:-)

30. I have now come to number 30 and decided to end here. I'd love to know if any of my...cough, cough, faithful, cough, cough...readers have anything to say about all this randomness I've just thrown at you! And I hope that you, dear reader, have a beautiful night...go enjoy some dark chocolate. Or an orange.

Windows

There is something so enchanting about a beautiful window. Perhaps it's the way the light dances and laughs through the panes, or the view from out of it's glistening surface. There are times when to sit at a window and gaze out, at nothing in particular, is the most wonderful thing in the world. To allow your mind to just wander back and forth between whatever this window may evoke, could be no more perfect at the time.

There have been many windows that have played significant roles in my life. Windows who's views, panes, or glass seemed to spur something in my soul, that demanded I take action and do whatever it was they were demanding I do. At times, it was the view I saw. Some windows showcased a shining, twisting, curving river, framed and surrounded by low blue ridge mountains. Some windows showed a beautiful back yard, full of childhood wonder and wisdom, swing sets and fig trees, wood piles and gardens.

Some proudly exhibited the beautiful, lonely sea, evoking emotions perhaps deeper than any other view. Or perhaps, there was haunting beauty that my heart found in the glass itself. Glass that was old and waving beautifully with time, glass that was clouded from years of standing between the inside and outside worlds they were caught between.

Some of the glass panes colored their outside views a bit blue or green, causing everything seen to be magically altered. And how could I withstand the charm of how many windows, especially those that are forever frozen in time, are dressed. There is nothing that gives me a thrill quite like a well done-up window. With panes thrown open and a gentle breeze softly lifting the cloth of choice hung there, the sight quietly steals a corner tucked away in my heart, reserved only for ordinary beauty such as this. In these moments, I know that from said window, anything is possible...

For Gabi

Winter has taken a firm grip on Ellerslie, turning it into a world that is far different than the one you knew. It is a world devoid of color, but truly beautiful for it. Waking for 5 a.m. prayer now requires everyone to meet in the chapel, for Jack Frost has made certain the mornings are a bit too cool to brave for an hour or more. My window now greets me with happy little trails of frost and my breath dances out in puffs, running here and there through the air. Students bundle up with coat, hats, and gloves, crunching through gleaming snow as they come back and forth from sessions. Often they will come sprinting into the dorms, laughingly relieved to be in out of the frigid air.

And the lake. Ah, our little lake has taken on a new look for this time of year. No longer does it allow the sun to sparkle and dance across its surface. No, it is a bit more serious these days. From wherever lakes keep what they choose to wear, it has dug up an outfit made of deep blue, thin ice, which runs here and there along all that it is. No longer the laughing little lake you left, it now contemplates the world about it, and often I wonder what it must be thinking of. Indeed, there are days when we just sit and wonder about all sorts of things together. You can do that with lakes, you know, only if you've taken the time to become great friends with them. I know you and our little lake were great friends, for it tells me often of how it misses you:-) Yes, as I was sitting by it's shore only the other day, it wondered to me what you must be doing and if you ever thought of it. It wondered if I might tell you that you are greatly missed and to please think of it now and again. I assured it I would let you know and that I was quite certain you had not forgotten about it. Lakes need to be assured now and then that those who have left them think of them still. Especially our little lake, it is so small after all.

Life is moving along at quite a fast pace as always. It is beautiful and wonderful and full of many grand, ordinary adventures! The kiddos are as precious as ever, curious about everything and constantly saying the funniest things! Life can never be dull when one has four little ones to fill their time:-)

Presently, I am watching as the sun has begun to light the mountains on fire. There is something especially beautiful about winter sunsets here, I wish you could come and see one. You are greatly missed here, dear one, and thought of often, especially by our little lake and me:-) We miss you terribly and hope you are growing in Jesus, pressing into all the He is, and finding His joy unspeakable.

Ellerslie Mission Society presents...

This is the newest short film produced by Ellerslie Mission Society, which I have the privilege to work for and be a part of. This is the heart of God. Please watch this prayerfully and be willing to open your heart to feel His heart, His anguish, His love. Then, ask yourself, what is it He would desire you to do?

http://ellerslie.com/Depraved_Indifference.html

Just Imagine...

Today was a sweat shirt, jeans, and hot coffee kind of day. The kind of day when one just wants to hole up and enjoy being alone. A day to recharge and breath, loving the winter sky and the cold air. Today was the kind of day when one wishes that the sky might just send down merry little snow flakes and then, when they do not come, it was the kind of day to be disappointed in no snow. Today was a Schumann and Mozart sort of day, a Milo and Otis childhood day, when being content comes very easy. This day begged for one to take a nice, long, dreamy sort of nap, the kind of nap where you wake up slowly and just enjoy laying under a down comforter.

Then, evening came creeping in while the down comforter still held its hostage. Said hostage finally drug herself up and the evening promptly demanded grapefruit and boiled eggs for dinner. Yes, is was that sort of evening. Delightful. Beautiful really, for nothing extraordinary happened, there was no laughing or running about, just time spent in a beautiful little room with reading, music, simple food, and the complete ordinariness of being alone. It was perfect.

Something has to be said for not being lonely or unhappy when you are alone with just yourself. I cannot imagine not wanting to be alone, for though I love being with people, I've found that I require time completely alone to recharge something in me. I love to talk with people, especially one on one, however, I love not talking and just being still and thinking all by myself. I'm not sure I know the meaning of the word "bored" for even when I was a little girl, I always found that I could retreat to my thoughts and imagine all sorts of wonderful and delightful things, even in the midst of some situation that would have otherwise been boring. My imagination has had some very good practice over the years because of this. It is, in my humble opinion, quite important to keep one's imagination in good working order, especially after one has left childhood behind. So often, grown ups let their imagination fall into complete ruin after a certain age. Why? I can't imagine not using mine for so long that it ceases to work all together. What are grown ups thinking?! Oh, well, I suppose that's the problem, they're not thinking at all.

Just imagine, imagine when you were a little boy or girl, what sparked your imagination to life? Were you a pirate on some high seas adventure? Or perhaps you were a princess, locked away in a tall tower, completely confident that your knight was on his way to rescue you. My tower was a very tall magnolia tree that was absolutely made to be climbed. Oh, the places and things that magnolia tree became in my world. It served as a tall tower where I was locked away by an evil sorcerer one day and became a beautiful castle, reaching to the sky the next. Grand balls and delicious feasts were held underneath it's shiny leaves and many hours were spent just thinking and surveying the lay of the land from the upmost top of its branches.

Then, of course, there was the fig tree. Yes, I said a fig tree. A beautiful little tree who's branches went all the way to the ground and who's leaves were big enough to block all view from the outside. The inside was a perfect "house" for the branches only went up and out so it seemed to be hollow and truly like a tree house. Many hours were passed inside this little haven, pretending that it was a quaint cottage in England or Ireland, lived in by a girl who loved to "cook" delicious meals and tend to her flower garden. Of course, it always was under the shadow and protection of the grand Magnolia Castle just across the way. There was a "stable" comprised of a little grape arbor just next door, and beautiful arabian horses filled its gates. This was the stuff of dreams and wonder, this was my imagination brought to life. Where each day held one new adventure after another, either played by a beautiful princess or a simple girl who lived in a magical little cottage.

Can you picture it? Can you see, smell, or hear what brought your imagination to life? Can you return to that enchanted place of wonder, where anything was possible, and reality was made of whatever you wanted it to be? Why do we want to live in a world where we cannot return and visit now and then? Yes, we are grown ups, we have to be responsible and realistic...but, there are times that call for the realistic to be cast aside and your imagination allowed to soar. There are times when believing in fairies, dragons, gnomes, and unicorns are essential to living in this responsible and realistic world we are called to live in. If we do not know how to revisit and believe in all we once did, then something in us dies and it is a devastating death, for we hardly even comprehend the enormity of what we've lost. Don't let it die. Tonight or today, whenever you happen to be reading this, revisit that place you once knew. Sit and be still and allow your imagination to soar. Oh, what an incredible, wonderful adventure you're in store for if you do...

Two Choices

Oh, I want to be in the place I once knew as a child. I want to rest in Him with all the trust and assurance that I possessed in those beautiful and simple days. Why must I complicate it when it's really the most simple thing in the world? He is beautiful, so very beautiful and I am ugly. Yet, He loves me still. This is truly wonderful, too wonderful for my mind to grasp. As surely as if I'd been the one to hammer the nails into His precious hands, my work, my flesh, everything in me hung Him on that cross. Yet, willingly He hung there. He only had two choices. He could avoid or even come down from the cross and escape the torment, but it would be a life without me. Or He could be tortured and tormented, bear the anguish of all my sin, and die, but this would provide me the choice of living forever with Him. He chose me. He chose me knowing that I could choose to not be with Him. He chose to die rather than to imagine living without me while knowing full well that if I did not choose Him, His sacrifice would be for nothing. He went through it all anyway, because He loves me that much. He loves you that much. For though He gives all of Himself to me, He does the same for you as well and when He hung on that cross, He was thinking of you. He did it all for you as if you were the only person in this whole world.

I know all of this. Yet, there are times I still doubt. Even though I know all of this, I still have the audacity to still doubt! Why?! What is wrong with me? I am human and my flesh would rule me if I let it. It would tell me that there is no way a God, a man, would do all this for me. Yet, I am made in His image and He that is in me holds my heart and assures me that, yes, as God, as man, He did all of this and would do it all again to give me that choice. To give you the choice. It is the most beautiful, incredible, astounding thing to think about. It is not complicated. It is quite simple. He had two choices and so do I. For He was a prince, He gave up His throne and came down to save this lowly woman, to fight His greatest foe, who was holding me hostage, with all that was in Him. He fought and He died, all because of this great love that He has for me. It is a fairy tale, the most romantic of stories, and it is mine alone. Yet, the beauty, the most glorious and wonderful thought is that it is all yours alone as well.

So, whom do you choose? I choose life abundant with Him. I choose to live a life that is hard, that requires I die to my flesh that I may live to know all the riches and glories of being in His presence, that asks me to lay down all I would hold dear that He may replace it with things far more wonderful than I can ever imagine. I choose to be His and His alone because I love Him above all others. I choose to live with Him because I have found that it is in being with Him that I have found the most incredible joy and happiness. I choose to live with Him, because living without Him is not living at all. Living without Him would be a mere shadow of a life that can only be found to the fullest in Him. I choose my Jesus, my prince.

Whom do you choose?

Do you have any?

The mountains in the distance are so clearly beautiful today. It's been snowing way up there and their peaks have been bathed in stark white snow. They seem to be glowing today as the sun blazes down upon them. I love days like this. Days that are ordinary. Days that require dragging myself out of the bed, working a bit, then heading off to the kiddos. As I write this, two little faces, pudgy with food, are staring back at me with the expectancy of another bite.

Today is just lovely in its simplicity. There are clouds blowing in from the east and the promise of a lovely, gray winter day is in the air. To the west, the sun continues to smile down on those beautiful mountain peaks. Dinner is in the refrigerator marinating and the rice is made to go along with it. Chicken satay with coconut rice anyone? That's what is being served around here for dinner tonight. Wonderful music is pouring from my speakers and I'm sitting in the perfect spot to see the east and west and the two days clashing together.

Can you believe Thanksgiving is just around the corner? How did that happen? I think we jumped from 2009 to 2011, because 2010 can not be almost over. I love Thanksgiving! Next to Christmas, it's my favorite holiday, although this year I'm torn with wanting to stay with the choir kids and going home. However, my family won out since I haven't seen them all that much the last few months and I'll have time to spend with the kids when I get back. So, I'm headed to my parents next Tuesday/Wednesday fully prepared to be stuffed over the ensuing days to follow. My Dad makes the best turkey, hands down, better than anyone I've ever known. That turkey is incredible! Then, there will be two different kinds of cranberry salad, garlic mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, and a whole host of other delightful creations that my parents come up with each year. They are deadly together in the kitchen. This year is special, however, because they just moved into a new house with a beautiful mountain river literally in their back yard. You should be jealous. It's going to be wonderful!

Whoever you are reading this, do you have any Thanksgiving traditions or something you love about Thanksgiving? I'd love to know if you do! Do you have any fun recipes to share? I'm making dessert this year (which I normally do) and I'd love some new recipes if anyone has any they'd like to share. I hope you, yes you reading this, have a beautifully blessed day today, overflowing with the love of our precious Jesus!

Changed

The first snow of winter arrived in all its glory early last week. The world was transformed. All the colors were washed away, yet replaced by a colorlessness that was beautiful in its nonexistent colors. I love the grays, whites, and browns that replace the vibrance of fall. In their own way, they seem to be just as stunning as the glowing yellows, orange, and reds of autumn's glory. And what glorious sunsets we have in the winter here. There is something about a winter's sunset, when the snow joyously reaches out its arms to embrace the colors of the leaving sun, reflecting with all its might all that it can back to the heavens. It's almost as if there is a double sunset, as if the snow and all its surroundings are the sunset as well. It is obvious how much our God must adore colors when you see the stunning strokes from His paint brush, blazing across the sky. With each sunset I witness, I can't help but wonder if He saw me thousands of years ago, standing there staring at that particular sunset. Did He paint it just for me? It seems to be a love letter from Him, for I know He knew I would be there staring at those hues, thinking of Him.

The choir kids arrived from Haiti on Monday. Thirteen precious, stunningly beautiful children that have completely stolen my heart. When I look at them I see royalty, treasured by my Father above all others.When I look at them, I see my own children in the future. For they are the least of these and their lives are a blazing witness of the faithfulness and love of my precious Jesus. For the first time in my life, the ache that I have carried for Haiti for so long, the anguish I've felt has taken on the faces of thirteen incredible kids and I am honored to have them in my life. I am honored to have the opportunity to know them, to learn their names, what their favorite colors are, what they want to be when they grow up, and to listen to their sweet prayers. What music it must be to His ears to hear the prayers that they pray. I am moved beyond words and I can't understand a word they're saying because it's all in Creole. However, I know that I desire to pray with such deep emotion, with such adoration, and purity. Oh, how I long to have the faith of a child, to be like these sweet kids. I would learn to never waiver in trusting that if my God said it, it will happen. For, as Eric so often says, God cannot lie. If He cannot lie, then all that He has promised, all that He has said, He will accomplish and fulfill far more than I can ever dream.

Yes, my life has once again changed. Something has happened and I will never again be the same. Before Monday, I had ached and cried for the injustice I knew was happening to so many precious and innocent children. Before Monday, I had anguished for the horrors I read about, sex trafficking, child slaves, children starving, children unloved, children used and then left on the side of the road. My soul was anguished over these things, but, God forgive me, they were not real. They did not have a face, a name, a personality and my soul was not reckoning the humanness, the sheer, beautiful, ordinary, and extraordinary children that I was anguished for. I know now. I know the faces, the names of only a handful and for the first time, all the others are becoming truly real. And now that I have seen, I am responsible. Now that I have held them, I am responsible, and I would give my life for just one of them. Not to save them only from the horrors, but I would give my life that just one of them would come to know the incredible love of their Savior. For He is the only hope in this life, through all the pain and suffering.

My life has forever changed. This is what I would and will give my life to. I would have given it before if He has asked it of me, but now I beg that He would ask! I beg that He would require all of me to give to all of them. For am I not His hands and feet? If I claim to be a Christian, I am just that and this will require my life. Oh, what a beautiful, incredible life it will be...

To be a stone

Rolling River God

Little Stones are smooth

Only once the water passes through

So I am a stone

rough and grainy still

Trying to reconcile this river's chill

CHORUS:

But when I close my eyes

and feel you rushing by

I know that time brings change

and change takes time

And when the sunset comes

my prayer would be just this one

that you might pick me up

and notice that I am

just a little smoother in your hand

Sometimes raging wild

sometimes swollen high

never have I known this river dry

The deepest part of you

is where I want to stay

and feel the sharpest edges wash away

CHORUS

This song has been like a balm on my soul and in my life the last couple weeks. It has been on repeat and I'm sure I've listened to it over 100 times. There is something so majestic about the visual that comes to mind through these lyrics. To be so lost in my God, hidden in the deepest part of His being, until He has smoothed out all the jagged and rough edges of who I am, is so beautiful to my soul. My heart beats and aches to be like this. To be the smallest stone, the tiniest pebble, but the one worn and polished by His waters until, when He reaches out to choose a stone to use, it is I that He picks up. It is I that is released from His hand with the perfect precision and accuracy. The precision and accuracy that blazes out and like a sure shot, accomplishes that which I am to accomplish for His glory.

This will not happen without time. Though He is not bound by the time of this world, He uses the time I am bound to and in His heavenly time, He creates the smoothest of edges. Ah, but the waiting it takes for this to happen. So often, I've found myself begging the Lord to allow me to become, or do, or go, when I want it to happen. "Today, Father! Let it be/happen today!" I find this is the cry of my heart so very often. Yet, in His patience and love, He has and is asking me to wait for certain things, until it is His perfect timing. When I look back over past waiting seasons in my life, when I can see what the end results are and now that it has ended, what was accomplished, I am always so thankful for the waiting. Looking back, all the waiting was so worth it and now that those periods of waiting are over, I can clearly see what a gift they were. I can see how, though I may have felt worn down by rushing waters, or that I was stuck at the bottom of the river with the water rushing over and above me, it was at these times I was being worn smooth, to shine with His brilliance. For I have nothing of light in me if He is not there and what a witness it is of who He is, when others see a reflection of Jesus in the worn and shining pebbles that we are and can be. To be the one willing to be worn, to be the one who cries out for God to smooth the sharpest edges away, this is painful. Oh, but the beauty to be allowed to close my eyes and feel the great river rushing around me, to know that I am lost in Him becoming what I was made to be, this is worth everything. For I do not want to be an ugly little stone, worthless with jagged edges, I want to be His smooth stone, held in the mighty right hand of my precious and beautiful God. Take me, Father, and make me smooth in all that you are so that giants fall when you send me forth from Your sling.

"He took his stick in his hand and chose for himself five smooth stones from the brook, and put them in the shepherd's bag which he had, even in his pouch, and his sling was in his hand; and he approached the Philistine...And David put his hand into his bag and took from it a stone and slung it, and struck the Philistine on his forehead. And the stone sank into his forehead, so that he fell on his face to the ground."

1 Samuel 17:40,49

Our Nov/Dec. issue of the magazine is up everyone! Annie has done a fantastic job with the design, I am so proud of her! Every issue gets better and better. Our God is so faithful to pour into us what we need to do what He has called us to do. Hope you enjoy the reading:-)

http://www.setapartgirl.com\

I believe we are.

Let's go. You and I alone. Take my hand and we'll jump on the back of the north wind. We'll gently ride up to where the stars are alive and singing their star song. We'll head in the direction of Neverland, first star to the right and straight on 'till morning. Do you suppose we could get lost there? Maybe we can have a fantastic picnic with the lost boys that ends in a huge food fight! Or perhaps, we could go on a grand adventure to look for buried treasure. It will probably be quite dangerous, you know. Full of pirates, flying, crocodiles, boys that never grow up, and indians... are you brave enough? Am I brave enough? I believe we are.

Then again, we could go straight to visit Pooh Bear, Rabbit, Piglet, Tigger, and Owl. There are so many wonderful, grand things to do in the Hundred

Acre Wood. Like chasing clouds, counting bees in hives, getting honey pots unstuck from a certain bear's nose,hunting for Skullasauraus, running from noises made by said skullasaurus, or trying to find Owl a new home. Then, we will have to attend Roo's birthday party, where there will be many wonderful games to be played and delicious birthday cake with extra colorful and scrumptious icing to devour. Yes, these are mighty adventures indeed and will require some one very clever...are you clever enough? Am I? I believe we are.

However, there is always the open invitation we have to tea at Mr. Tumnus's house. There will be a nice brown egg, nicely boiled for each of us, then, sardines on toast, buttered toast, and then honey on toast. Finally, there is the delectable sugar-topped cake and of course perfectly steeped tea. Afterwards, we shall all sit and chat by the crackling fire and listen to beautiful music provided by Mr. Tumnus himself. We will probably discuss the state of things, all the happenings with the

Beavers and wondering why such and such did this and that. Since we are all such great friends, there will be no need to fill up every inch of space with talk, there will be time to have comfortable silences that one only has with the very truest of friends. I'm quite sure that we will have that delicious, warm, perfectly full feeling, that only comes from eating just the right amount of the very best things and then, after we've solved all the problems that need solving, we'll doze comfortably in front of that inviting fire. Our chairs will be pulled up close to its glowing presence and we'll snuggle back cozily into their softness...This all, of course, will demand that we be the truest of true friends. Are you true enough? Am I? I believe we are.

When we finally arrive back home from wherever we decided to go, we'll have to sit and write of all our many, grand adventures. Then, as the years pass, we'll look back and say, "Do you remember when..."

I love...

Oh man, such a bad idea to drink a medium size coffee at 10 at night. Umm, hello?! What was I thinking? It's what I tend to do though, I love to drink coffee at night and eat chocolate first thing in the morning...though, I do try and use some self restraint and not eat chocolate first thing very often. It is somewhat of a shock to the system;-) I love living life this way, because it's so terribly short and every day is such a gift. I love being crazy and sane, being healthy and splurging, laughing and crying, I love it all. I can't just love one side of life, I have to love every side if I'm going to love it at all, I believe. And there are so many wonderful, beautiful, extraordinary things to love!!!

I love the way frost sparkles as the new day rises to great it. I love the purples and pinks of a sun cresting the mountains to attend the day. I love the white, snow capped mountains more than I ever thought I would. I never thought I'd love them as much as the sea, but I do, just in a different way. Every upturn of my eyes to their glorious heights reminds me of the majesty of their creator and mine. I love the way, when the sky is heavy with gray clouds, the little lake outside my window soaks up their heaviness and changes to the most beautiful, deep silver. I love it much more than when it's bright and happy with the sun shining on it's face. I love the way snow crunches and makes your eyelashes heavy with passing snowflakes. I love Christmas lights, hot chocolate, and peppermint ice cream. I love rainy, English days that make me want to curl up with a good book to get lost in. I love antiques and the history that's attached to them. Give me an old anything over a new something any day. I love the smells of autumn...cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg, pumpkin spice, apples. I love when the kiddos hug me longer than I do them and I have to hug back more when I would have let go. I love that. I love how A pronounces "tree" (sounds like shree), I love how excited D is to see me when he wakes up from his nap. I love B's "jump on me hugs" and P's sleepy face when she wakes up. They make me love my life so much more. I love, love, the Word of God, I love to sit and soak it up for hours. I love the thought of gazing on Jesus's face one day and never having to say goodbye...ever. I love the way my Mom smells and how, even if I'm a thousand miles away from him, I want to call my Dad when I'm in trouble, because hearing his voice makes whatever it is better. I love Earl Grey tea when I'm writing and Irish breakfast tea in the mornings. I love hugs that lift me off my feet and laughing until my stomach hurts. I love the sea and salty air, I am convinced that salt air is a cure all. I love playing the violin and listening to good music. I love cereal with extra cold milk. I love loving all of this and so, so much more.

These are just a few things I love, but the thought of just these makes life worth living to the fullest. What do you love? What makes you love your life?

Alright, I'm going to attempt to sleep so that I will love the morning...

Incomprehensible...

This morning there was frost on the ground. There has been frost in the early mornings for a while now, but this morning the Lord used it to speak to my heart. I'm not sure why, but it truly was like a sweet gift from Him. Isn't it wonderful, the way our God works through the smallest, minutest creations as a way to speak to our soul? As I was having my quiet time with Him, I read this quote from A.W. Tozer:

"Wherever we are, God is here. There is no place, there can be no place, where He is not. Ten million intelligences standing at as many points in space and separated by incomprehensible distances can each one say with equal truth, God is here. No point is nearer to God than any other point. It is exactly as near to God from any place as it is from any other place. No one is a mere distance any further from or nearer to God than any other person."

I love this. I love the thought that you are no further from God than I am, though we may be separated by thousands upon thousands of miles. It's incomprehensible, but that is our God, incomprehensible. Everything, His love, His joy, His truth, His Word, His beauty, His power, His character, every aspect of who He is, is incomprehensible. And I am so glad He is! Can you imagine if He was comprehensible? No, for even that is beyond anything our mind can fathom.

Oh, the joy of the Lord is sweet! Today, it is a beautiful day and the love of the Lord is fulfilling and overflowing from every part of what He has made me. I love my Jesus!!! This is the Christian life, to be this full of joy and happiness. To want to shout from the mountain tops that I gaze out at from my window, "World! Stand up and listen! The joy and everlasting love of our God is incredible! He is the answer to everything, all of your problems and hurt. For only He can truly fulfill your heart and soul and make you sing and shout with a joy immeasurable. This is the truth and the truth is GOOD NEWS!! You do not have to live a miserable life, you do not EVER have to be unhappy and downtrodden again, because HE is the ANSWER!"

This is what I would shout if I could get up to the top of one of those mountains:-) This is what I genuinely feel in every part of me. So, instead of shouting and yelling, I'll just strive for my life to shout it for me. To shout that the Christian life is hard, it is not easy and never will be, but there is joy beyond measure, there is kindness and goodness, there is a purpose to stand for truth and to defend the least who are His heart. Though pain and sorrow do enter in, because it is still life on this earth, there is always peace and joy underneath the pain of this world, no matter what may happen. The Christian life is not defeated, it is not drained of all that He is, because He is so much more than we could ever imagine. This life is full of wonder and beauty, it is not condemning, yet it never allows untruth to abide and sin to reign in the smallest measure. When these things are discovered they are cast out and to walk in a different direction is the single thought. Yes, this is what I would have my life show, but above all I would have it known that I am human and I fail, yet He is God and He never fails me or you. Yes, this is good news.

And so, today I would say to you who are reading this, to be happy. Because life is beautiful and full of wonder and too short to waste on trivial things that mean nothing in the end. Be happy and full of joy in your God!

No Music

Most of the time when I write, I have music going in the background. A beautiful song can evoke thoughts and words that I'm sure I never would have thought of on my own. What happens when I turn off the music and write in total silence, with only the sound of normalcy playing in the background? Let's see, shall we?

It has been a most blustery autumn week. Actually, the past couple weeks have been this way. I'm almost certain the wind was trying to lift those out in the middle of it up and away...somewhere. Perhaps to Neverland or the Hundred Acre Wood, where they would have heard a dialog something like this:

Winnie the Pooh:Happy "Winds-day", Piglet.

Piglet: [being blown away] Well... it isn't... very happy... f-for me.

Winnie the Pooh: Where are you going, Piglet?

Piglet: That's what I'm asking myself, where? W-Whoops! P-P-P-Pooh!

Winnie the Pooh: And what do you think you will answer yourself?

What would you answer yourself if you were being carried off my the north wind? If I was being lifted up and spirited away, I should fancy I'd ask, " Will they have peppermint ice cream and Earl Grey tea where we're going, Mrs. Wind? For I should not like to go to a place that is dreadful enough to not have either of those wonderful things." However, being lifted in the wind's arms and taken to some wonderful "other world" would be an adventure of great proportions and I think I would relish every moment of the journey.

Last night, I discovered something very exciting. I was in a fabric store looking for just the right fabric to make my closet curtains with, and what should I come across? Brace yourself...Junior Mints that have peppermint pieces in the chocolate coating! Yes, I know this will probably alter your world somewhat, I know it did mine;-) I love junior mints and adding peppermint to them is simply genius, that's what it is! If you have not tried this wonderful holiday treat, do yourself a favor and go searching for some. Peppermint bark is quite extraordinary too, so you may have to look for that while you're at it. It's preferable to enjoy such treats with a wonderful cup of irish breakfast tea. Pop one in your mouth right after you've had a sip of tea and it will melt in the most perfect fashion...or at least I think so.

My Nama is here visiting me for two whole weeks! Glory! She is simply wonderful and I may never let her leave. There's nothing I enjoy more than spending time talking to her about "the olden days" and taking her to all my favorite spots. She's so easy to have around, never expecting anything and then when "anything" is thrust upon her, she enjoys it with relish. Plus, she is a master seamstress and it is so much fun being able to have the designs for clothes and decorations I have floating around in my head actually come to life! It's even more fun to tell people who ask where I got such a beautiful creation that "my Nama made it for me." She's a lover of peppermints, dark chocolate, and tea as well...must be where I get my good taste from;-)

In fact, as I type away, I have the hum of a sowing machine singing in the back ground.

For the first time in my life I am really and truly excited about winter. I have no idea why. I am not a cold weather person and never have been, but I am relishing the cold weather and actually, brace yourself, excited about snow! Yes, I know this is shocking, or will be to those who personally know me. Perhaps it's because I have this plan to snuggle down in my little room this winter, drinking lots and lots of tea and reading and writing till my hearts content. That could have something to do with it. Plus, I could very well be chirping a different tune come February...probably will be. Please remind me then, when I'm complaining about the snow and cold, that I was wishing for it back in October. But, for now I'm excited. I have an entire stack of books not written after 1920 that I am planning to become quite lost in. I need to make some new book friends, the kind that work their way into your heart and soul and require that you visit often. The Emily of New Moon trilogy is like that for me. Actually, I'm overdue a visit to New Moon and plan to visit within the next few days.

That reminds me, I cannot understand this new craze with Kindle or whatever that electronic book thing is called. I'm sorry, but bound books have been around for hundreds of years and I do not see how that can be improved on. There is nothing to me like opening an old, well worn book, who's binding is loose from years of being loved and diving into all that it is. The smell of books is heavenly and feeling the turn of the page or clasping it to your heart when it seems to be breaking for all the book is telling you, cannot be found in an electronic device. No offense to those of you out there who are addicted to your "electronic book" but I for one have no desire to purchase such a contraption. Then again, I am very old fashioned and despise my cell phone and do not much care for facebook either, let alone Twitter...actually, I will use great self control and not even address the subject of Twitter. I mean, I don't even own a T.V. nor do I desire to. Yes, I'm that old fashioned;-)

Huh, and this all came from not listening to music while I wrote...what do you think?

Resolved

There are times, times when I know that He loves me. Then there are times when I know that He loves me. What is the difference? Well, I know His love at all times, I know I could not walk a single step, take a single breath, live a single moment, without the knowledge of this love. Then there are those times when His love comes crashing down into my soul and my world, for a moment, stops. It stops and every step, every breath, every second passing by is completely flooded with a love that is incomprehensible. It is a love that is so beautiful it hurts, for it holds every emotion I feel in the purest of forms.

What causes the crash? What produces the flood? Maybe it is a gentle autumn wind, blowing just right through the golden leaves of surrounding trees, maybe it's a sunset or sunrise in all their glory, maybe it's a shooting star that blazes for a split second across the sky, or perhaps it is nothing other than a firmness in my soul. What sweetness it is to have the ordinary produce the extraordinary.

Is that not how He works? He will do anything to get my attention, to have me lift my eyes to Him and know that He loves me. He longs to know me more than anything else on this earth and He woes my heart and soul to Him with each moment that my heart beats. So, how can I not love Him with all that I have in me? How can I not spend every moment with Him that I possibly can? Yet, this is exactly what I do not do. I resolve to set an unbreakable amount of time with Him and then I break it. I don't show up to the time we've decided to spend together. If I did this to anyone else over and over, they would soon grow tired of my flippancy and end the relationship. He doesn't. He waits for me, even when I'm not there. He calls to me, even when I do not answer, He loves me even when I do not deserve it in the slightest measure. This is incomprehensible.

And so I am resolved. Resolved to love without holding back, resolved to not break a sacred time that is meant only for Him, resolved to worship and adore Him with all that I have in me. I am resolved that this life of mine should never be about me, I am resolved that it will be all and only about He who saved me from all that I deserved to suffer because He chose to die rather than to live without me. I am resolved to declare that I will never walk this life alone because I have a champion, a knight, a prince that walks beside me and protects me. You see, I am His even when I do not act like it. All of this I am resolved to do.

I would have others witness my life and not see or think of me, but I would have them see and think of Him. This is all that I want for my life, this is all that I desire. For it is all about You Jesus, all this is for You, for Your glory and Your fame.

And so my world that was paused for a moment begins to spin again, but it will never be the same. It never is when a wave of His love sweeps down, reminding me that this is what my life is about, this love.

Happenings or thoughts from a day spent at my parents:

1. Wow, is it 6 am already? Why is this bed so much harder to get out of than my bed?

2. Please let there be cereal I can actually eat (oh the worries of someone allergic to gluten)...there is!!! YAY!

3. Drove through the canyon, was struck once again with its beauty and majesty.

4. No, I do not want to eat that...what is it anyway?

5. I am full to overflowing with wonderful brother hugs. Is there anything better?

6. Realized around noon that I'd missed coffee in my hunt for cereal this morning. Ugh, no wonder I'm so tired...

7. I have got to order new contacts! Well, maybe next month when I can budget them in...

8. Realized I have an article to write by Monday morning. What will I write it about? I have no idea. Don't you know I never know what I'm going to write about until I actually start writing?

9. Ate pistachio almond ice cream.

10. I want to go sky diving...really bad.

11. Was given a beautiful necklace from my dad, who just couldn't wait until Christmas apparently:-) He said it was to remind me that I'm his "carolina girl." Yep, he's pretty much awesome.

12. Was told that I looked like "one of those actresses" by an older lady, but "for the life of her, she just didn't know which one"...hmmm, I will just take that as a compliment;-)

13. Was described to someone as being "bouncy happy." He then proceeded to look at me this evening and said, " You know, now that I've been around you all day, you really are bouncy happy!" Well, since it's all Jesus, does that mean He is "bouncy happy"...yea, food for thought isn't it?;-)

14. Missed a dear friend

15. Missed another dear friend and the notes she leaves under my door.

16. Decided to make time this week to bake gingerbread with missed friend.

17. Decided to bring gingerbread to other missed friend who more than likely will not be baking with us.

18. Was asked if I thought I may have met my future husband yet...no.

19. I realized today that it's almost November, which means the "holiday season" is almost upon us and it is my most favorite time of the year!!!

20. Had the very odd thought that I may actually enjoy this winter. We'll see how I feel about that come February...

She's in Love

I just added this song to my playlist, it's the first one that starts playing. For some reason it starts and stops a couple times, but keep listening, it's a GREAT song!

She's In Love lyrics

What a beautiful smile

A radiant girl

Fell in love first time I saw her

She stays on my mind

I’d give anything

To know everything about her

There’s light in her eyes

And I know it’s all for Him

She carries on and on

Like He was her best friend

Chorus:

She’s in love (echo)

It’s not hard to see

But I would like to believe it was with me

Someone got a hold of her heart

And He won’t let go

And I know

She’s in love

She looks to the sky

When she talks about Him

She believes He hung the moon

Said He had to go away

She waits for His return

Says He’s coming for her soon

How can this be fair?

This guy can walk on water

Don’t guess I’ve got a prayer

He’s written love letters - to reach her

She worships the ground He walks on

She just smiles when she says His name

It’s a match made in heaven

I can’t compete with the King of Kings.