Ah, night has finally crept in and this day is finished. Though it was a perfectly wonderful day, there isn't much that can compare to coming home to my lovely english desk (it begs to be sat at), a delicious cup of hot tea, a cozy hoody, a little room lit by soft warm lights, a blog I love to write on, and a God who I've longed to spend time with all day. The delightful thing about this evening, is that it's completely free to spend with Him.
I love looking forward and seeing hours of free time to dive ever deeper into He whom my soul loves....but, I find so often that I do not want this enough. Oh, that I would ache and long to be with Him more than anyone else in my life! I do not want this relationship with Him to be the kind that I can come and go in as I please. For the utter truth is, as one of my dearest friends has said, He is not a "place holder" until that place is filled by a Godly man. He is the place. Period. And I desire to not be found looking for a husband, but gazing into His face always. The beautiful thing I've discovered is, when you're gazing into His eyes, you do not become restless with being single, but long for more time with Him! It's wonderful!
Yet, all of this takes constant surrender...of everything! This is what I'm learning ever so slowly that I must do each and every day. And the more I surrender every area of my life to Him, the more I see how wretched I am! But, praise His beautiful name, He loves me too much to leave me the way I am! Thankfully:-) For the way I am is disgusting. However, do you ever feel as I do, that the surrender seems to go at a snails pace?? So often I seem to be off to a wonderful start....like a herd of turtles! This is one of those things that I've mentioned before when I cry out, "Why can't it happen today, Father?!" And then I read things like this:
"One does not surrender a life in an instant--that which is lifelong can only be surrendered in a lifetime...Maturity is the accomplishment of years, and I can only surrender to the will of God as I know what that will is. This may take years to know, hence the fullness of the Spirit is not instantaneous but progressive as I attain fullness of the Word which reveals the will." -Jim ElliotOh....Jim Elliot said this. Hmmm...well....yes. Of course I know this....but, I still want it to happen now:-) And if it happened now, I would miss out on all that He has to teach me through this endless pursuit of surrender and all that He is! I know I've said this before, but I need to keep repeating it for myself, the waiting on the surrender, or whatever it may be that we're waiting on, is a gift! I never want to wish away a time of learning and waiting, for I know too well the benefits of times such as these. After all, its an endless frontier of going further and further with Him, right? So, let it take my whole life! Pursuing Him, learning to surrender all that I am to all that He is, giving Him the pen of my life and allowing Him to script it, all this is worthy of taking my entire life and all the years that He blesses me with! And can you imagine a more grand adventure?! Ah, there is never a dull moment when I'm living it with Him:-) Remember the adventure that Frodo and Sam went on...oh yeah, this definitely has that beat to pieces;-)
Have you found this to be true in your life yet? If not, I pray that you do! For He is longing more than anything else to take your hand, and with the most beautiful smile on His face and sparkle in His eyes, to lead you on adventures so incredible, you never even thought them possible! Yep, He's that kind of God.